My CMS

Disclaimer – The people written into this story are totally fictional.  Any resemblance to real life people is totally coincidental and is not to be taken as real life people. 

Life of Pinelipi Davis

This is the true story of the life of Pinelipi Davis.  Yes we call her Pipi.  She was born on February 30, 1985.  The following is the truth of all I know.  My name is Chuck.  Some people call me “Scooby” others call me “Doo”.  I am an investigator who travels around the world looking for reasons that crap happens.   I received a call in the middle of the night from a man who only called himself “Mr. Crazy.” He offered me a great sum of money to find some information on a girl named Pinelipi Davis.  We talked for a while about a picture he saw her on a Facebook page and wondered why she was on Facebook with people making fun of her.  I told him it would take time however, I would take the case.  After finishing my investigation, I wrote this report for Mr. Crazy.

In November of 1984 Mr. Crazy lived in Owasso, Oklahoma.  In the middle of the night a bright flash of light woke him up.  He kept waiting for thunder but it never happened.  He got out of bed and looked out the window.  He saw nothing so he went to check on the kids.  Everything seemed fine as he walked back to the bedroom.  When he reached the bedroom door standing by his wife were three little creatures.  He stopped and they turned toward him, then another flash which blinded him for a second and they were gone.  He looked toward the bed and his wife was gone.  He ran to the bed and there was nothing.  He was so panicked and emotions were running so high that I could not think.  He ran around the house looking for wife and could not find her. 

He ran to the phone and called 911. He was talking so fast to some lady on the phone she was having trouble understanding him.  She finally yelled in the phone, “Mr. Crazy stop.”  He stopped talking and she said, “Do you know what you just told me?”  He was quiet for a minute and she said, “Are you still there?”  He said, “I am sorry, I just woke up I must have been having a bad dream.”  She said, “It’s ok, have a good night.”  How could he tell the police his wife was abducted by aliens?  He was in such a nightmare state of being, he didn’t know what to think or do.  He sat down at the kitchen table and tried to calm himself.  He looked at the clock and it was 2:50 am.  It seemed like minutes pasted, and then looking at the clock at about 5:00 o’clock in the morning a huge bright flash occurred in the bedroom.  He ran into the room and there was wife lying in bed sound asleep.  He was so scared of what just happened.  He lay down beside her and just held her the rest of the night.  When she woke, nothing ever seemed to happen in her mind.  He just asked her, “Did you sleep good.”  She said, “I did.”  That was a sign of things to come in the near future.  He actually thought it was him who had this vision or glimpse of some unknown dimension.  Maybe, I just had a really, really bad nightmare.

In all actuality the nightmare had just begun.  After a time he noticed that his wife was gaining some weight.  He was never going to say anything.  You never tell your wife she has gained weight unless you want to sleep in another room for a long time.  He wasn’t thinking much about it really as far as her looks were concerned.  It was strange the weight was just in her tummy.  It was about four months after the alien dream he had, that his wife one night started hurting so bad he had to take her to Owasso Hospital Emergency.  She was in great pain, so much so he was scared she was going to die.  He dropped the kids off at their grandma’s house and drove as quickly as possible to the hospital.  Once in emergency they took her immediately to surgery. 

He was in the waiting room as he noticed a group of men dressed all in black come in the hospital.  He watched as they walked right through the hospital to the elevator.  He didn’t think very much about it except they were nice suits.  Then one of them came over to him and asked him, to step outside.  He just got up and followed him.  When they got outside he turned and there was this flash like he took his picture.  All he remembered was that my wife is having a baby.  She is in delivery and he needed to get up there and take care of her. 

At this time in the affidavit I turned to one of my partners, his nickname was Shaggy.  I asked him, “are you getting all this down in detail.”  He told me, “yes and that this is scary and strange.”  Shaggy ask me, “Should I call the rest of the team.”  I told him, “no, not at this time.”

When he got to the floor where wife was, a nurse met him.   She took him to an isolated waiting room.  The nurse said, “Wait here until we come back to get you.”  Finally two doctors and a nurse came in the room to talk to me.  One of the doctors said, “Sit down”.  He sat and listened as the doctors told him his wife was in a coma, and the baby was fine.  One doctor said, “There is one problem, the baby can’t stay with the other babies.”  He asked, “Why?”  The nurse then said, “Your baby is not exactly normal.”  At that time they brought in Pipi.  She was wrapped in a towel and the towel covered her completely.  The nurse handed Pipi to him and said, “Congratulations’.”  Turned and ran out the door.

The story was getting so boring and I was about to fall asleep I told Mr. Crazy, “I am just going to record your version from this point on.  This will be finished told to a tape recorder.”  I just turned on a tape recorder and let Mr. Crazy talk.  Shaggy just laid his head down and went to sleep.  Apparently Mr. Crazy’s stories make people sleepy. 

Talking into the tape recorder Mr. Crazy told this story.  When I opened the towel I saw what I thought was road kill rabbit with red hair.  This creature had red hair sticking straight out and the teeth of a rabbit.  I just put the towel over her head.  I ask about my wife and the nurse said, “We will have to keep her coma induced, for at least a week.  The hair was the problem with a normal delivery.”  I thought to myself that is good.  I have to have time to figure out what to do with this road kill.  The nurse then said, “You have to take your child home tonight we can’t keep her here.”  I said, “I have no baby food or anything for the child.”  The nurse said, “Do you think I care?  Get that evil little piece of road kill out of this hospital.”  I didn’t know what to say.  I walked out of the room and asked to see wife.  There was a man dressed in black who said, “You can see her in a week.”

As I checked out of the hospital I made sure I had the birth certificate with me.  I was not keeping this creature.  She was half human and half something.  I knew it was not going to be me to try and raise this little girl.  I actually never checked to even know if it was a girl.  I took the nurses word for it.  My mind was in high gear thinking who can raise this little girl.  I knew it had to be someone who was so tough, so mean, but tender with her.  I need to find a man who I thought was the badest man on earth.  I knew no one that way my whole life.  On the way home I thought so hard about who could be the person to take of this creature. 

The idea came to me from out of nowhere.  I heard of a man in Turley that I never have met but, heard how bad he was.  This man scares everybody who ever hears his name.  His name was Harley Davis.  I had no idea who or where he was but, I have to figure out a way to get the baby to him.  As I drove up in the drive way I thought of a plan.  The kids were at grandmas and my wife was in a coma so I would be the only one who knew Pipi was going to Harley Davis.  My plan was set.  I took Pipi inside and put her on the floor.  I went to the attic and there was an old stroller which we kept from our kids.  I cleaned the stroller so it looked brand new.

I looked through the papers from the hospital and found the birth certificate.  I took some white out and changed the names of the father and mother to Agnas Davis and Harley Davis.  I used the white out and changed the address and town to Turley, Oklahoma.  The last thing I changed was Pipi’s last name to Davis.  Now I was ready to take Pipi to her father.  The only problem was I didn’t know him or where he lived.    So, I walked down the street about 5:30am and had Pipi in the stroller.  I also put the birth certificate in the stroller.  I knew someone would look and see her and find Harley for sure.  I knew she would be taken care of no matter what.  I know this was wrong and have lived with this my whole life.  It is something which I wake up at night in a cold sweat thinking how evil it was for me to do to Pipi.  I just could not tell my wife or the kids what I had done.  I lived with this lie since that night I brought Pipi home from the hospital.  All I can do now is ask forgiveness from Pipi.  I figured Pipi was raised and grew up in Turley.  The strange thing is my wife never mentioned going to the hospital or anything about the pain she was in.  It was like it never happened.  The kids just thought we wanted a night alone.  This plan worked perfectly.  This is the end of the affidavit that Mr. Crazy gave me and Shaggy on the tape recorder. He woke us up and now it was time for my investigation to really begin. 

First I had to find Pipi so I could talk to her.  I called in my team and they found her on I-244 holding a sign for money.   I stopped a where she works.  The corner of Admiral and I-244, and she is not a hooker.  She holds a sign and asks for money.  The sign says, “MY DAD IS DISABLED AND DYING, DONATIONS PLEASE”.  I ask how much she made that day.  She told me that today she had made $1400.  I was impressed.  With that hair and how she dresses I think really helps donations.  I ask her how Harley was and she told me, “I have not seen him in years.”   I asked, “Why she had not seen Harley?”  She told me, “She came home from school one day Harley had moved.”  I asked her, “Where did they move?”  She said, “I don’t know, nobody would ever tell me.”  I asked, “How old were you when this happened.”  She said, “Second grade.”  I asked her, “Was Harley nice to you?”  She told me, “I loved Harley and was surprised he left.  He took good care of me and I miss him so much.”  I was happy to hear that Harley took good care of Pipi but, why did Harley get up and move?  Shaggy was sad about seeing this girl.  After this encounter I drove by everyday but Pipi was never there again which was strange.  If she could make that much money why not stay on that corner?

I had to find out why Harley would leave his daughter.  I found out Harley did not move, he went to prison.  I could not believe Pipi said he took good care of her.  Then now he was in prison.  Something was fishy here.  Something happened which was wrong and I was going to find out what happened.  Harley was convicted of various charges, including three counts of murder, 19 wifeernity suits, vampirism and random grave-robbing.  I knew this guy was bad but this was too much for me to even start to believe.  I continued to investigate this with extreme intensity to find the truth. 

The truth is not always what you want to find.  I called my men who work for me. I called the hobbits and also asked them if they could reach the father from the three creatures, to talk to him.  The hobbits were told the three creatures had already contacted them.  They would send some help.  They wanted to talk to Mr. Crazy when the time was right.  Be patient.  

The first place I started was the Mayor of Turley, Bobby.  He was telling me that Pipi was sweet girl and always followed the law when begging for money.   The Mayor knew that Pipi was living in the barn.  He thought it was ok since she was still in school.  He told me I needed to see the Queen about the problems with the people who were taking care of her.  He told me, “Don’t bring up my name or that you have ever talked to me!”  He was very stern in his voice which made me even think more about my investigation.  Why the Queen, what could she know. 

The next day I went to see the Queen.  Queen Sherri was not what I expected.  I will say she was very nice.  I walked up to the gates of the Queen’s house and there was a man who met me who was very big.  He asked, “What is your business?”  I told him, “I would like to see the Queen.”  He just started laughing so hard with such a laugh I started laughing.  He was holding his sides and still laughing when I ask, “Well, can I see the Queen?”  He started laughing louder and I thought to myself why he is laughing so hard when just a simple yes or no would tell me.  At that time I heard a women’s voice say, “Why are you laughing so hard Bill?”  Bill said, “Someone what’s to see you.”  The Queen stepped out from behind the shrubs and looked at me.  She said, “Well, you see the Queen, get the hell out of here.”  I then started laughing because I never thought that would ever come out the mouth of a Queen.  She smiled and said, “Why do you want to talk to me?”  I said, “I have questions about Harley Davis’s daughter who is named Pipi.”  The Queen said, “Let him in.”   

The Queen looked at me with a very serious and stern look and told me, “What I say will never be spoken of by you.”  I thought this is the second time I have heard this.  The Queen said, “Pipi was a nice little lady and was taken in by the Mafia.”  I started laughing and the Queen slapped me and said, “I don’t lie and you don’t laugh when I speak.”  Wow, I thought this woman is serious.  She said, “The Mafia runs this town with complete fear and control.  Now leave.”  I noticed over her shoulder a women jumping up and down waving at me.  I did not show any emotion just turned and walked out the gate.  I turned to Bill and said, “Thank you.”  He looked at me then said, “Don’t come back or I will beat you to within an inch of your life.”  I looked with a scared face.  He said, “Just kidding.”  He then started laughing again.

As I left I thought I would walk around toward the lady who was getting my attention while I was talking to the Queen.  When I turned the corner she was waiting on me.  She said, “My name is Anita and I know who’s in the Turley Mafia.”  I said, “How do you know who the Mafia people are?”  She told me, “I cook for the Queen; I know everything which goes on in this town.”  She then said, “I will let you know the names of the people involved with the exploitation of Harley’s daughter.”  I had great hope something would come from this lady.  I could find the people who took Harleys daughter and used her for their gain.  I ask, “Give me names.”  She said, “You have to eat my food I cook before I will give you names!”  Oh, crap I thought.  Now I have to listen to this lady talk about her food for hours just to get a few names.  It was the only lead I had so I told her I would.  I listened to Anita for two hours show me every recipe and picture of a hundred different foods.  I finally told her I need some names so I can continue to find why Harleys daughter who was on Facebook.  She finally wrote down five names of people who she knew had ties to the Turley Mafia.  I looked at the names and put the paper in my pocket.  I told Anita, thank you and ran out the door to get away without having to listen to one more recipes or look at any more pictures.

I went back to the motel.  It was called Motel 3.  I did ask why it was motel 3 and the manager told me motel 6 has to have so much traffic on its street and we only met the category of 3.  I went to my suite, my phone rang and Mr. Crazy was calling me to asked if I found anything out today.  I told him that there was a Mafia ring in Turley and it’s a very big operation.  It is also associated with many strong men who have moved in from out of town.  They own Pipi and make tons of money off her.  She makes more money in one month than any drugs or gun trafficking operations they have.  Mr. Crazy asked Mr. Doo where he got this information.  Mr. Scooby told me, “Keep quiet and stay out of the way or I might get hurt.  People know you are looking for Pipi and don’t like it.”  I said, “Mr. Chuck, I need to know everything possible.  Crimes have been committed and need to be reconciled.   Mr. Doo said, “Mr. Crazy, keep a very low profile or something bad will happen to you.”  I said, “OK”.

At this time the doorbell rang and I went to the door.  There were three hobbits which I invited in.  I ask them to sit and tell me what they found out today.  Frodo said, “I found out the head person of the Mafia”.  Rudy was wearing his Notre Dame shirt said, “I found out the head person of the Mafia.”  So I turn to a bald head little hobbit and ask what did you find out today.  His name was Mini-me.  He stuck his little finger in his mouth and said, “I found out who the head of the Mafia is today.”  I asked “What else did you guys do.”  Rudy said, “Drink beer at the Lazy Ho.”  I am glad I don’t pay these guys.  I asked, “Who is the head of the Mafia?” Frodo said, “Well, the head we think is Jayne or Marcy.”  I said, “A women?”  Rudy said, “This women is very nice but will cut you in a second.”  If she is not the Mafia leader she will know who is for sure.  I told them thanks and see you in a couple of days.  Keep looking for clues of Pipi’s life.

I knew I was getting closer to the answers Mr. Crazy wanted.  I just wanted off this project.  I had a bunch of cartoon people helping me and needed a real man to come in and help me.   I had heard of one man who I thought would never be in the Mafia.  He owned a restaurant on Main Street.  He might help me if I get into trouble with the Mafia.   I walked into his place to eat and he was behind the counter and asked me what I wanted.  I ask point blank, “You a member of the Mafia.”  He pulled out a gun from under the counter and asked, “Why do I want to know.”  I said, “I am looking for a man like you who is not a member of the Turley Mafia.  I was told you may be that man.”  He lowered his gun and said, “Nobody runs my life, and no Mafia is going to start.”  I thought to myself this is who I want.  If he will work with me we can solve this case.  I ordered a sandwich and ask him to set with me and talk.  I told him just part of the story then he said, “What do I get paid for this?”  I told him, “You won’t have to cook the rest of your life.”  He looked at me with a look of disbelief and said, “You know what happens when you make promise you can’t keep?”  I looked at him and said; “Yes” He said I will help you.  I asked, “What is your name.”  He said, “Snake, that’s all you need to know.”  Now I had my hit man if I needed one.  It was time to face the Mafia and find Pipi and get Harley out of prison.

The first person I needed to find was Jayne or Marcy.  I walked into the best tavern in town and ordered a drink.  I looked around for a while and could not really notice anyone who stood out like a Mafia person.  The bar tender came over to me and asked, “Do you wanted a drink.”  I said, “Yes.” I asked him, “Do you know a woman named Jayne or Marcy.”  He looked at me and could tell he knew her, but he told me he did not.  He had a look of fear and dismissed it quickly.  He asked me, “What is your name.”  I told him, “Mr. Doo.”  We chatted some more and I left.  I knew Jayne or Marcy was close, maybe in the tavern at that time.

Now it seemed I was at a dead end.  I thought to myself who knows everything about Turley.  It hit me, the Mayor.  I was going to talk Bobby again to see if he knew Jayne or Marcy.    I decided to just walk over to the Mayor’s office.  I walked in and setting at the front desk was a woman I had not ever seen.  She asked, “Can I help you?”  I said, “My name is Mr. Chuck.”  She said, “The Mayor will not see you and also told me if you came in to call the Police.”  The voice on this lady was very weird.  I have heard that voice however I could not place where.  I said, “Wow, I will leave, thank you.”  As I was walking to the door she said, “I will help you if I can.”  I stood for a second my mind was numbed with that terrible voice.  I turned around and said, “I only want to know the answer to one question, do you know Jayne or Marcy.”  I heard a hum and then a click and she said, “Yes, I don’t see her often.”  That voice was driving me crazy.  I asked, “Do you know where I can find her?”  That click, I heard again and she said, “No, but she goes to the biker club every Thursday night.”  I asked, “Where is the biker club?”  It was a second before Cathy spoke, I heard a click then she said, “Down on Main Street.”  I asked Cathy, “What does she look like?”  I heard that click again Cathy said, “I can’t tell you, I don’t know.”  I said, “You know her but, you don’t know what she looks like.  Cathy said, “I know someone who can tell you.”  I asked “Who?”  I heard the hum, click, and then Cathy said, “Follow the yellow brick road.”  She handed me a piece of paper with directions on it and said again, “Follow the yellow brick road.”  I was ready to get out of here. I walked up to her desk, looked behind her.  There was a sting in her back.  The string leads to a gear against the wall.  The gear was the hum and when the gear was full of string it clicked.  Cathy was a doll.  Yes, she looked very nice however she was actually a doll.  I was talking to a doll.  I looked at Bobby and he smiled.  With his little derby hat on he tipped it toward me.  I turned around and ran out the door.  Holy cow, I just talked to Chatty Cathy. 

I was walking back across the street a voice says, “Hey big boy, where you going.”  I just kept walking.  I heard the voice again say, “Stop or I will shoot you.”  I stopped right in my tracks, turned around to see a woman walking up to me.  She said, “My name is Pam, what is yours.”  I told her, “My name is Mr. Smith.”  She pulls out a gun and I said, “Mr. Doo.”  She laughed and said, “I was not going to shoot you.  I have only shot the Mayor once by accident.  What are you doing here?”  I said, “Hunting for a person named either Jayne or Marcy.”  She said, “I knew both.”  I asked, “Do you know where they are?”  Pam said, “I have not seen them in a long time.”   I asked, “Do you know the Yellow Brick Road.”  She said, “Oh, yaw it’s up the road here and turn right, it’s easy to see you cannot miss it.”  I showed her the directions I had and she said, “These are right, just follow them.”  She said, “This will lead you to Lisa’s house and she is Jayne and Marcy’s sister.”  I was excited now.  I told Pam, “Thank you, Thank you, Thank you.”  Pam said, “Here is my phone number if you really want to thank me come over tonight and thank me.”  I said, “Maybe, it is according to what I find out at Jayne’s sister’s house.”  I had one more question for Pam.  I asked, “Pam do you know Mr. Crazy?”  She said, “Yes, Mr. Crazy is crazy!  He is nice, crazy, stupid, smart, and has only ¼ a brain.”  I asked, “Does he have any money?”  Pam said, “I don’t think so, he wears red all the time and a red OU hat so, I know he is stupid and poor.”  I said, “I met him he wore a really nice suit but did have an OU hat on.”  She said, “He is so stupid with that hat on, I can’t take it when I see him.”  I said, “Thank you.”   I ran to my car not only to get to Lisa’s house but to get away from that lady with the gun.

I got in my car sat down and looked at the lady who I just talked to.  She was smiling as I drove away.  I looked down at the directions to the Yellow Brick Road as I thought what this place may be.  Was this a restaurant or gift shop?  I drove 1.7 miles north and turned right.  It was a dirt road and I was to go 2.25 miles.  I kept driving and the dirt road turned into a two lane rutted road at the two mile mark.  I drove very slowly and all of a sudden to my amazement there was a Yellow Brick Road.  I turned onto the Yellow Brick Road and stopped.  I couldn’t believe a real yellow brick road.  What is this, a big joke?  They have a yellow brick road leading to their house.   I thought the next thing I going to see was witch flying overhead. 

This was the road to Jayne and Marcy’s sister’s home.  I drove slowly down the road and was amazed by the number of gates which lined the road.  There was gate after gate lining the road.  I could see the house round the next corner.  I turned the corner and holy cow I could not believe what I saw.  There were at least 100 gates of all shapes and sizes everywhere.  All were decorated with flowers or vines.  Then over to the right was a tree with bottles as limbs.  I was thinking, this house belongs on a yellow brick road.  I pulled up front, walked looking everywhere as I knocked on the door.  A lady answered the door saying, “Hello, can I help you.”  I asked, “Is Jayne or Marcy here.”  With the sweetest voice she said, “No, but if you see them I want them here immediately.”   I said, “Ok, do you know where they might be?”  She said, “I have not seen them in a while and there are people looking all over for them.”  I told her, “I think you are talking about me.”  She said, “I want them caught so I don’t have to worry about them anymore.  It scares me to worry about them and they don’t care about anyone but themselves.”  I asked, “Are you ok?”  She told me, “They got mixed up in something which is bad.  I want them caught so at least I know they are safe.”  She started crying and I knew it was time to go.  This had to be the sweetest girl I have ever met.  She was nice to me in a very disturbing situation.  I walked away with sadness knowing her sisters were going down.   I turned around and asked one more question.  I said, “Is there anyone who can help me find them?  Nobody will talk in town.”  She walked toward me.  She said, “If you will drive your car back down to the dirt road and follow it there is a lady who can help you find anyone you need to find in the world.”  I said, “Thank you, as she was still in tears.”

I walked to my car and knew I was close to the end of this investigation.  If Lisa was right I could find out in just a little while where Jayne and Marcy were.  As I drove the thought was about what Pam had said about Mr. Crazy.  If he has no money and I can’t pay snake what will happen to me.  I put the thought out of my mind for a minute.  Then it came right back into my mind.  Snake was nobody to be messed with about a promise.  I promised him he would not have to cook ever again.  As I reached the end of the yellow brick road I turned right.  The ruts in the road were rougher than before.  Whoever lives back here is going to be a little different than most people.  I drove a while and ran right into an Indian Tepee.  I was taken back that Lisa would send me to a tepee.  I opened the car door and a woman came out of the tepee and greeted me.  She had a white horse walking with her and also two white wolves.   She said, “Hello, Mr. Scooby.”  I thought how she could know my name.  I said, “Hello.”  She asked me, “You looking for Jayne and Marcy?”  Again, I wondered who this woman is.  She said, “My name is Cathryn.”  I said, “Hello, yes I am looking for Jayne or Marcy.”   She told me, “Wait till dark and you will find them.”  I said, “Are they coming here?”  She told me, “No, go back to town and stand in the middle of Main Street and both will come to you at midnight.”  I told her, “I am confused, and why would they come to me?”  She said, “I will make them come to you, and you will know by the sight that is given you.”  I knew she was telling me the truth however I asked, “Will you be there also with me?”  She said, “The White horse will be.”  I thought ok, this is crazy.  She spoke again and said, “Take the horse when you need to go fast.”  She came over to me, took my hands and looked up and said some words which I didn’t understand.  I looked in her eyes and a bright light hit me.  I was knocked backwards.  I said, “Thank you.”  She told me, “You will be fine never being worried about the future; you can do nothing about it.”  I am not sure who I just met with but it will be someone I will go back to so I can just set, talk, and listen to this woman. 

I got back in the car to drive back to town.  I picked up a burger at Snake’s place and told him to meet me ready for anything at 9:00 pm at Motel 3.  He told me he will be packing and ready.  I took the food and went back to the motel.  I called the hobbits and told them to be at the Motel 3 at 9:00 pm ready for action.  I now needed to call Mr. Crazy.  This call worried me because of money.  When he answered the phone I told him this should be over tonight.  Bring the money to Motel 3 at 9:00 tonight.  He told me he would be there.  I asked him, “You have the money don’t you.”  He said, “I will tonight, don’t worry

I knew I had a great crew lined up when they’re supposed to be here at 9:00pm and they show up at 11:30 pm.  Finally there was knocking at the door.  I opened the door and Rudy, Frodo, and Mini-Me was at the door.  I told them come on in and sit down.  Before I closed the door a man came running toward the room and I could barely see him.  He was dressed in all black and when he got closer I knew it was Snake.  He had two rockets strapped on both arms.  He was carrying a rocket launcher.  He had a belt on with five grenades on the belt.  He had two hand guns in his waist band.  I looked at this guy and thought if Mr. Crazy shows up with no money we are all dead.  I saw a car drive up and Mr. Crazy gets out of the car and he is carrying nothing.  My heart started pounding so fast I could have thrown up at any time.  We are all dead is all I could think about.

We are all setting in the room and I told them Jayne or Marcy will be coming down main street at midnight.  Snake looked at me and asked, “Where is my money.”  I look at Mr. Crazy and said, “Where is the money.”  Mr. Crazy says, “When I get Pipi, you get your money.”  I said, “Ok, that works for me.”  The hobbits were not in this for money.  I looked at Snake which was scary anyway; he seemed ok with the idea.  I let Snake know we will not need any rockets or grenades.  He could take one gun only to use if I said to use it.  He told me, “If I feel threatened I will use it.”  I told him, “If he feels threatened, go right ahead and shoot.”  We walked out the door and I told them I was going to the middle of the street and wait.  I wanted Snake in the alley where he could see me.  I told the hobbits to just place themselves so no one see’s them.  Mr. Crazy just stayed in the room.  I said, “It’s time, let’s go.”

With everybody in place I was thinking about what Cathryn told me.  From behind me a White Horse came walking down the street.  The horse walked up to me and just stood beside me like he knew me.  I stood very still and placed my right hand on the horse’s back.  The horse turned his head, looked at me and made a soft noise.  At my left a door opened and two ladies walked out of building which looked abandoned.  I knew it was Jayne and Marcy.  There were two women, not one.  As they walked, I walked along in the middle of the street.  They both turned and looked at me.  Out of the corner of my eye I saw snake move down the street.  I kept walking and finally one of them said, “Hey, Butthead you want something?”  I said, “Can I speak to you for a minute?”  Both just kept on walking.  Up ahead was a car with a driver who had started the car.  I asked again, “Can I speak to you, please?”  Both stopped and I walked toward them.  One of them was carrying a bag, like a big workout duffle bag.  I walked up and ask, “Jayne?”  The girl with long hair said, “Yes.”  I reached in my pocket and pushed the button which alerted Snake, I found Jayne.  I did not realize he had sneaked out one of the rockets and the launcher.  He comes running like a crazy man and stands 10 feet from Jayne and Marcy and yells, “DOWN ON THE GROUND, NOW!”  I hit the ground in a second.   Jayne said, “Hey stupid he means me.”  I stood up and said to Snake they are going nowhere.  By this time the hobbits where at the car.  I did not realize they had guns.  The guns were so little I am not sure they would even hurt anyone.  They had the driver down on the ground handcuffed.  I took the bag from Jayne and called the police.  I ask Jayne, “Where is Pipi.”  Jayne said, “I don’t know a Pipi.”  I asked the same question to Marcy.  She just stuck her tongue out at me.  So, I said lets go back to the room.

Inside the room I sat Jayne and Marcy on the floor in the corner.  Mimi-Me told them in a laughing voice, you’re in time-out.  I ask Jayne, “Where is Pipi.”  Jayne said, “We don’t know a Pipi.”  I said the police will be here in a minute and you both will have to answer to them.  Marcy started laughing.  I asked Marci, “What is so funny.”  She told me, “We own the law.”  That one I didn’t expect.  I looked at Mr. Crazy and said, “What do we do now?”  He unzipped the bag, it was full of money.  He looked at me and handed me the money.  Mr. Crazy said, “Now you’re paid.”  Mr. Crazy said, “I know where pipi is!” 

Mr. Crazy said, “You keep Marcy and don’t give her any Mountain Dew.   I am taking Jayne to get Pipi.”   We walked outside the motel door and the hobbits told me where Pipi was.  I ask, “How do you know.”   Rudy said, “Richard told us exactly where she was.”  I ask, “Why would he give up that information.”  Frodo said, “I got a new finger from Richard.”  I said, “Pack that finger in ice and let’s go get her.”  Jayne said, “No, you cannot have Pipi.”  I asked Rudy where she was, “He said, Pipi is at the Mayor’s house in the basement.”  I looked at Jayne and asked, “Is the Mayor the head of the Mafia or are you.”  She looked at me, “Yes.”  

On the way to the Mayor’s house Jayne called Lisa and I listened to the story that Jayne told Lisa about how they were in the Mafia.  That Marcy and her had to join the mafia or Lisa’s family would be hurt.  She is scared of what might happen to her after we get Pipi.  It was sad but, I was not buying any of this.  How the Mayor was black mailing them to keep Lisa’s family from harm.  Also, they threatened to harm both of their own families if they didn’t do what they were told.  To Mr. Scooby the Mayor was a very good person and talking with him seemed so honest.  I was confused about all this.

I stopped the car and had the hobbits watch Jayne while I got out of the car to make a phone call.  I got back in the car and drove straight to the Mayor’s house.  It was not a house.  It was a castle so big it was mind boggling.  I thought Jayne maybe telling the truth.  I drove up the drive and across the mote to the front of the house.  I told Jayne, “You ring the bell because they would not expect anything if it was you.”   Jayne agreed with the idea.  The hobbits and I were hiding and Jayne rang the doorbell.  I was amazed when Bobby opened the door.  I instantly ran in the front door.  Of course it was after midnight.  I told the hobbits to keep everybody right where they were.  I ran yelling for pipi.  I heard a voice down the stair way.  I came to the door where she was and it was locked.  I took a MacGyver pocket knife and unlocked the door.  There she was all hair and buck teeth.  She asked, “Who are you.”  I said, “A friend of your dads.”  She was so happy.  She said, “She had been in there a week.”  I walked her upstairs and Bobby said, “Who is that.  How did she get in my home?”

I pulled the paper out of my pocket and all five names of the people were on the paper Anita gave me.  I was amazed because how did she know.  As I was wondering, the FBI showed up in front of Bobby’s castle.  They had picked up Marcy and Richard.  I watched as Jayne and Bobby were handcuffed and taken away.  The last person to be picked up was the Queen of Turley.  I was glad because she slapped the crap out of me and it hurt.  Pipi was standing beside me.  Not really beside me because her hair now was a wing span of 5 feet.  What a sight to see this girl grown up but still look so young. 

Then the brightest light flashed I have ever seen.  Standing before me were the three hobbits and a tall alien being.  Papi was scared. I told Pipi, “Don’t be scared.”   I watched as the three hobbits morphed themselves into the alien beings I saw the night of my wife disappeared.  The very tall alien told me, “Your wife which had the baby was a clone of your wife on earth.  We abducted your wife and Harley the same night.  Harley is pipi’s father.  The woman which had the baby was a clone of your wife.  Your wife was with us for four months and remembers nothing about anything that happened.  Harley is going to home tomorrow with the capture of the people tonight.  We will make sure they confess to the lies they told on Harley.  That is all you need to know.”  Then just a bight a light flashed and everybody was gone but Pipi and I.  Pipi ask me to take her home.  We got into the car and I drove her to a corner and she said, “Stop here.  Harley does not want anyone to know where we live.”  I asked, “Will you be ok?”  She said, “I don’t know who you are however I thank you for everything you have done for me.  I will be perfect when I hug my dad tomorrow.”  I felt so wonderful with the truth and the family of Pipi together again.   

The ending to this entire story is, the Mayor is now in jail for all of Harley’s crimes.  The Queen was given 5 years in prison and life time probation.  She served her time and is now Queen again of Turley.  Richard was given his finger back and it was put back on his hand.  Richard had no clue what he was doing.  He just drove a car.  He knew nothing.  Jayne and Marcy were given life time probation.  If Jayne or Marcy have in unlawful infractions they will go to jail for life.  Harley and Agnas have Pipi back home again and all are so happy.  Mr. Crazy now knows he slept with a clone, not his wife.  His wife and kids still no nothing.   All is well in the world Turleywood.

 

I have been working on a project with great effort to make it just perfect.  I keep working and without much success in trying to get this work done to my satisfaction.  I look at my work and it is just not what my mind see’s.  I don’t understand why I cannot get what I want to show through my hands into this work.  I can visualize exactly what I want.  Every time I make a change it just does not look like I visualized it should look like.  I sat down one day and just looked at the project, to try and figure out why I could never get the work like I wanted.  I saw every flaw and error which I never seemed to fix but, made it worse.

I started thinking, which is a mistake, about sports, artists, programmers, and every workman who ever started a job and finished with all the satisfaction in their work.  I look at others work and am amazed at the perfections I see.  Houses being built, people’s lawns, cars driving down road all looking perfectly built.  I know they are not, however they just look that way.  This brought a thought to me which I have not thought about for many years.

I went to a seminar once when I was working for a bank.  The seminar was about expectations.  I didn’t pay any attention because I never worked with customers.  I just worked by myself as a computer programmer.  In the expectations presentation was also perceptions of people.  Both of these thoughts became clearer as I looked at my work, with all its flaws.

What I wanted was my expectations to be seen when finished.  When people look at the work they see what I perceived!  Their expectations and perceptions are different than my expectations or perception.  My mind causes a problem because I want my expectations to be others perceptions.  Is this possible?  Good one, Huh?

In the 1960 World Series, when Bill Mazeroski hit his homerun, was my expectations or perceptions high, low or in the middle before he hit the homerun.  It was the 7th game of the series, it was the bottom of the 9^th inning and I was watching hoping he would just get a hit.  For me the homerun exceed my expectations and my perception of baseball also changed.  The World Series actually changed me.  Most reading this do not even know the team he played for or against that day.  They would have to Google it to find out.  To me this was the greatest hit in the history of baseball.  Others will disagree because they perceive it differently.   Which neither perception is wrong.

For me expectations come in three levels. I can have high, middle, and low expectations.  When I have high expectations I also can be disappointed easy with flawed completion of the event.  If I have expectations in the middle, sometimes the ending is good and sometimes the ending is bad.  So, you have what is called satisfaction and disappointment.  If you have low expectations you can actually be close to satisfied all the time.  I am not saying which to have.  I don’t argue that high expectations are good to try achieving your best.  If you can understand that it’s not possible very often and you can handle the disappointment.  I can only speak of myself because I do not know how anyone who reads this perceives themselves.  The perception of yourself is how you handle your expectations.

I was taught perfection at home was needed for our livelihood.  When we worked on pianos with our mom and dad, mistakes should or could not be made.  Most of the people who work at their job have to perform the same.  It was not a pride in my work; it was perfection for others that influenced me.  I know this is strange when you read this because many take pride in the work they do.  The pride was to perform perfection for the people who received the piano.  In a way both go hand in hand but the thought was always on the people whom the piano was going.  This was the way my mom and dad thought and taught.

When I grew up, which I never really have, I always looked at the expectations of myself as being very low.  However the perception of others toward me was that I had to be great at all time.  That is how I perceived the world.  When I would meet someone, I would always have to make sure the person’s perception was, I was a good person.  If they didn’t see me that way then it was my fault because, my expectations were that they had to like me.  I was the one with the problem; it had to be me in order for others to like my piano.  I had to be perfect.  Many are not taught today about expectations or perceptions of what and who they are.  We carry what we were taught throughout our lives.  We can change and I have seen many who have changed.  Down deep inside is the change real or not.

In junior high there was a person who was not very nice.  I was setting and telling the story at supper and the action I was talking about was not important or that big a deal.  What I remember was my mom saying in a very angry voice, “Don’t judge others until you walk in their shoes, they have had them on for years.”  I just looked at her and did not say a word.  That one saying changed me.  My perception of people became different.  I looked and tried to think, what if I was in their shoes.  My expectations of people changed during this time.  I became more aware of my surroundings.  I actually changed some of my friendships because of this one event in my life.  You may ask why?  The reason was I didn’t want to walk around with their shoes.  I should let them walk their path and not judge them.  Sounds rude or mean but, I did not miss treat them.  I just let them walk.  My mom taught me a great lesson that day!  Expectations and perception were not only of me but, of others.

This is when I became more aware of God.  I was always in church and I thought I was good a person.  I became more aware of the fact I was not that good.  People look at a person and put them in categories which are so false because people are all the same.  I truly believe if people would stop and look inside of themselves all people are the same.  It’s the expectations and perceptions of both sides that divide each other.  It’s sad when we figure out we are all the same because I want to be better than others.  Laughing now; because it’s funny to think I am better than some other person.  It’s also sad for me to think I am better.  I sure hope God has a sense of humor.

When I watch TV I see why the world is perverted with thoughts of self-pleasure, religious hatred, racist division, or just plain mad.  We have a perception of self-centered worry about ourselves and not the caring of others.  My mom and dad were right about how they taught me.  The pride is in the perception of the receiver of the gift, you give of yourself.  The pride should never be in your work or what you do as a person.  Self-pride is not the answer.  The gift of pride to others is the answer.  Many will not agree with me on this point.  But, I point to Jesus as the greatest gift of all.  He did not go to the cross for himself or he was not proud or thinking of his own pride.  He died as a gift to the entire world.  I usually don’t’ go religious in writing because many will look at this as preaching.  I am just using Jesus as an example of the real expectations of a person and the real perception as a person.  Jesus, to me is the greatest example of a person with what kind of expectations or perception the people of the world should have.  The gift or expectations and perception given to others by you is the gift of love.  This is the greatest gift a human can give to anything on this earth.

“Disappointment proves that expectations were mistaken.  When my expectations are exactly fulfilled, I feel that something uncanny has happened.”  These are quotes by Mason Cooley.  Mason Cooley was an American Aphorist.

“Consciousness is the perception of what passes in a man’s own mind.”  This is a quote by John Lock.  John Lock was an English Philosopher and physician.  Also, just a FYI John Lock is the Father of Liberalism.  Not the liberalism of today.

After reading these, a thought came to my mind which both of these quotes became real.   Having lunch with some friends Saturday we talked about the perceptions’ we had growing up.  Most were about unknown insecurities which high school students go through without even having a clue of the truth.  All ages have these insecurities however it does seem that 13-19 year olds are trying so hard to become like someone else when they are already like them.  The problem is the perception of the person is screwed up.  They look at themselves and don’t see what is real and not real.

In high school I dated my wife.  Who I married our senior year in college. We were friends for 3 years before we dated.  It was a time in my life which my expectations were high and perceptions of dates were very real.  Like Mason Cooley says, “When my expectations are exactly fulfilled, I felt something uncanny.”  I never had a disappointing date with my girlfriend.  Now after the dates sometimes my girlfriend would come up with some story which we could not date anymore.  The best quote I can tell you from my girlfriend when she broke up with me, she said, “Ronny you are becoming a bad habit.”  I had no clue what that meant.  I just know my expectations and perceptions for the future were crushed.  I would drive home in such sadness and despair.  I would think, did I do something wrong?  I was so down, I loved her and she was my life source.  The next week on Monday we would be in classes together and I would not talk.  Maybe we are broke up for good I thought.  By Wednesday we were talking and by Friday going out again.  There were two reasons I think this happened.  One is her parents did not like me calling all the time.  Besides they didn’t really like me at all.  This was their baby girl.  The other, my girlfriend was very canny at making sure I would pursue her, to show her I wanted to be with her.

After our senior year of high school, we both went to separate colleges.  I was on baseball scholarship and was expected daily to workout year round.  She was going to be a teacher.  In the first semester of college my girlfriend was told by her family to date other people.  I cannot express the devastation this brought upon my complete being.  The captain of the college basketball team wanted to date ‘my’ girlfriend.  I believe he was a good person and was ugly, not really.  My girlfriend and I broke up and my expectations and perceptions were gone.  I was lost as I walked around the college campus.  Nobody knew, I tried to hide the pain, instead of being honest.  I was starting to get over the break up at Christmas time.  I felt like a devoiced person only a real devoiced person’s pain is 1000 times worse than mine was.

At home my mom asked about my girlfriend and I told her we broke up.  She asked, “Why?”   I said, “She told me she wanted to date other people.”   My mom said, “Why don’t you buy her a little Christmas gift and take it to her and see how she is doing.”  I told my mom, “No way, it’s over and I am not going through that pain again.”  My mom being wise said, “Were you not friends and, wouldn’t you like to still have that friend?”  My mom told me, “Don’t have any expectations, just keep a friend that you have had for so long.  Friends are hard to find.”  I became angry and got up and left for my Granddad’s house.  I was in Avant and putting up the Christmas tree when I couldn’t wait any longer.  I was going to go see my ex-girlfriend.

Now, talk about perceptions and expectations this is perfect example of a confused person trying to figure out the feelings I had.  I had to have no expectations but my perceptions were going wild.  My mind was trying not to hope and my senses were trying to hope.  I called my girlfriend and ask if I could stop by for a minute.  She said yes in a voice which sounded like she wanted to see me.  I was driving and my expectations were low, I kept them there.  My perceptions were getting higher.  When I drove up in the drive way she walked out the door.  Oh my goodness, did she look good.  My first thought is leave.  I wanted to leave and block all of this out of my mind.  I could feel the pain inside of me.

I got out of the car and had little gift.  I can’t remember what it was.  I handed the gift to her and said, “Merry Christmas.”  I cannot remember anything said back and forth.  I was numb.  She knew we spent Christmas at my granddad’s house because the last two years she went with me.  I do remember asking her, “Can we go out for lunch or something this weekend.”  She said, “Yes, what time.”  I said, “In the afternoon, sometime.”  She said, “Just call me.”  I said, “Great, talk to you this weekend.”

Expectations, now explain what it was at that time?  Should I have any at all?  I only have one way to explain expectations and perception.  I married this girl.  We have been married 42 years.  My expectations and perceptions have been met to the greatest level known by any man ever living on this earth.  Many do not get this pleasure in life.

If you have read any of my writings you know I believe a person is made up of four parts.  Physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual are the parts of a Being.  Each part together makes up our expectations and perceptions.  This is a combination of all four which lead us in our lives.  Words are something to each person which may have many meanings.  In my opinion after this writing, each of us is here by one reason, love.  Love is a word which has millions of meanings. We have a meaning for love in everything we do.  When Bill Mazeroski hit his home run I had a loving feeling inside me.  When my girlfriend dumped the ugly guy and married me, I had love inside me.  I am coming to realization, nothing matters but love.  Even when our expectations or perceptions are not what we want, whether we know it or not we still love.  It is like the love of making the piano just as the person who owns it, expects and perceives. I am starting to understand expectations and perceptions just a little more as I grow closer to the end.  It saddens me just a small bit to not understand early in my life.

I want to tell all of you about a vision or dream I had.  Maybe it was an out of body experience, but to me it was very real.  This one, only Pat has been told about this vision.  This vision was before I had cancer, so it would have been four or five years ago.

The vision starts before I was born. I was in room with a few others just sitting, nobody talked just sat quietly.  It seemed like a huge gigantic room with walls so far away and a ceiling so high.  I could only see 4 or 5 people.  We were not people like human.  We were like a vapor or mist.  We could see each other but, also we could see through each other.  We were waiting on something.  Not sure why we were there but, all looked calm and peaceful.

A white light, what to me appeared like an angel, came up to me and asked for me to follow him. The light of the angel was so bright I could never real see him.  I have to say it was disturbing at first.  I stood up and walked behind him.  He was just a bright light, but had form.  As I walked behind the Angel, I could see others sitting like I was, as I walked by.  They were just like me, they were just sitting in this gigantic room and seemed to be waiting for someone or waiting for something to happen.  I looked around the room and it was actually filled with forms like I was.   I noticed hundreds and hundreds of bright lights; I will call Angels, all over this huge room.  I just kept walking behind the one who ask for me.

The Angel opened a door, even though the angel seemed to walk right through the door.  The door opened for me and I walked into a big hallway.  No lights, but it was a bright white, so bright I had to squint with my eyes to see.  The Angel came upon the end of the hall and a door.  The Angel opened the door, and told me to go inside the room.  There were no chairs.  I really didn’t see anything, just very bright light.

A voice from nowhere started talking to me.  The voice was very peaceful, so loving and relaxing and asked me the following questions.

The voice asked, “Would you like to go live with two people who will love you and will take care of all your needs?   They would be called your parents.”

I knew without anyone telling me what a parent was.  I said, “Yes.”

The voice asked, “Would you like to have a brother who owns his own business and makes millions of dollars?”

I said, “Yes”.  I seemed to know what a brother was when he ask.  I had never heard the word before but, again I knew.

The voice asked, “Would you like to live with another brother who will be an electronic engineer for a worldwide aero-engineer corporation?”

I said, “Yes.”

The voice asked, “Would you like to be on the cutting edge of technology and help bring in an age of advance communication to the whole world?  You would be a Senior Systems Analyst on IBM equipment.   You would be at the beginning of instant communications around the world.”

I told him, “Yes.”

The voice asked, “Would you like to have a sister who would be an executive for a worldwide communications corporation?”

I asked, “What is a sister?”

The voice just said, “A NOSY B.”

I said, “Yes.”

Most of you in here thought of the “B” letter means something bad.  My grandma used to say, I wish those nosy bee’s would get out of my business.  Your minds thought “B” meant something else. I also just made that part up to bug Connie.

The voice then asked, “Would you like to have a brother who would become a Doctor of Theology.”

I said, “Yes.”

The voice asked, “Would you like to have a wife who loves you forever and ever and you love her forever and ever.   Instantly I knew what a wife was.”

I said, “Yes.”

The voice asked, “Would you like to have children who reach their dreams and live their lives with influence to people around the world?”

Again I knew what children were. I said, “Yes.”

The voice asked, “Would you like to have 4 grandchildren who will change your life the instant they were born.”

I said, “Yes.”

The voice said, “OK, you can go.”

I asked, “Go where?”

The voice asked, “At this time a human is being conceived by the Lord.  You can choose to be one with that child or stay with the others.”

I told him, “I choose to go and be one with the child.”

He then spoke in a very stern, deep voice which actually entered my inner self.

The voice said, “You have to understand many choices now.

The voice said, “You have to understand that this human has your eternal life in his control.  The human has control of your being for eternity, either eternal light or eternal darkness.”

The voice said, “You will have no real control over this human.  The human has free will to do with you whatever he wants.  You become one with this human, do you understand.”

The voice said, “You have never lived in this environment.  You will feel many things which I have not talked about.  You will feel JOY, SADNESS, SORROW, AFRAID, GOODNESS, many more things we have not talked about. You will be ONE with the human.  What the human becomes you become.”

He continued to tell me, “You do not know the outcome of your life in this human.  You know all the people around you and their accomplishments are great.  You have to understand you leave here with light or darkness at the end of the human’s life.”

In a tone that was very, very firm and strong he said, “It is up to the human if you live in the light or the dark when it’s all over. You have no say in the matter.”

In this gigantic voice he asked, “For the last time, do you want to go.”

This made me think of some questions I had and was afraid to ask, but asked anyway.

I asked, “Can I talk to this human?”

This voice said, “You will become as one.  You are not human.”

I asked, “Can I convince this human to go to the light?”

The voice with such compassion answered, “NO!”

I asked with conviction, “Why would it be my fault if the human chooses darkness?”

The voice said, “You are a gift from “I AM”:  “I AM” is giving you to him.  If the human does not follow “I AM”, you have no chance.  The human will know “I AM” is there!”

The voice said, “Also, there is a way you can talk to “I AM” all the time.  If “The Truth” is shown to this human, there will be no problem getting to the light.”

I said, “You said I can talk to “I AM”, yes I will go.  I thought, nobody ever talks to “I AM”.
I then asked the voice, “Can I please see where I am going?”

The voice spoke and told me, “Yes.”

Out of nowhere I was looking down upon earth.  I asked “Can I see my parents.”

I was told, “NO, nobody sees into the future.”

He did say one more thing, “I will show you where they are right now.”

I looked and all I could see was a 1949 ford parked in the woods.

I asked, “Where they were.”

The voice said, “In the back seat getting ready to conceive you. If not there it will happen on the hood of the car.  Either way, you leave when it has happened.”

I just made this up about the 49’ Ford.  My mom, when I was a teenager, would get really mad at me when I ask if I was conceived in the back seat of the car.  She would even yell at me.  My mom asked me to leave the house one time because I told someone who was at our house I was conceived in the back sit of the car.   She seemed very defensive about this.  I told her who cares, I am here.

Back to the vision,

“I AM” has given a gift to each of us.  Do we live in light or darkness?  It’s a choice which each human has to make.  I knew the outcome of a perfect life on this earth.  I knew that all worldly needs would be met.  The human did not know this.

I stood there for a while and the voice asked, “Do you want to go now after I told you this.”

I asked, “What does become one mean?”

In a loving, soft voice he said, “You are the eternal being which “I AM” gives each human which lives for eternity.  You have been asked if you want to be this human.  You will live forever.  The human does not.  You are the essence or entity which lives forever, and ever and ever.   You become this human.  You will answer for all he does.  It is very scary to have to decide.  I know!   But, the life in the light is also the greatest way to live in eternity.”

Then voice said, “When it comes down to light and dark you need to look for “The Truth”.”  “Find the “The Truth” and you find the light.”

I asked, “Was “The Truth” the one who went there and died for all who ever lived.”

The Voice said, “Yes, if the human chooses darkness, then you will live in darkness.”

The voice said, “The Truth” has a path and has asked all to follow him.  If the human follows him, you will find light.  The comforter will be there with the human, the human will choose when the comforter approaches him.”  “Your mission is to help the human live in the light.”  “I will tell you it is not easy.”

The voice asked, “Do you now want to go?

I did not hesitate, I said, “Yes.”

It seemed almost instantly I was in complete darkness.  I was surprised by knowing absolutely nothing.  It was like I was in a washing machine, on the wash cycle.  I could hear people talking.   I was alive.  I knew, I made the choice of whoever this butthead is, I am now the butthead.  It ended.

When this event of a vision, or whatever it was ended, I ran and wrote it down.  I finally came to a very simple answer about me.

Darkness is when Christ Jesus is not with you, in you, on you, and you follow your own belief of god.  As in my case, my conclusion was:

     WOULD I KILL ONE OF GOD’S SOULS or SPIRITS?

          WOULD I KILL THE GIFT GOD GAVE ME

                  MY SOUL FOR ETERNITY !!!!!!! 

Pause and think, spend the rest of your life thinking about that!

In my life I have been passing through time and I am running out of time here on earth.  I know this and it’s a feeling of sadness and joy.  The pleasure God has given me in this short time has been more than any man deserves.  I have not been very good and God knows all.  Yet, he loves me and I know this deep within my being.  Words have always interested me even when I was kicked out of school for questioning what a word meant in school.  It was funny but, my mom was not happy for me questioning any teacher.  One word keeps coming into my mind as I was feeling pretty rough this week.  The word was “Time”.  I have always despised the word time.  Because I can’t get a good grasp of what time is in the eternal meaning.  Time is my writing this week.  I know I have not much time compared to my 3 month old granddaughter.  I was holding her and thinking all the time she has and the great times she is going to have in the future.  Oh, future is time?  Is the future time now, or only when we get to that point is it time?  So here goes my story.  Hope you understand my wonderment of time.

I have been in deep thought which is not too deep about the meaning of time.  What does time mean? How does time work?  Have you ever thought about having a 34 hour days and not 24 hour days?  If the earth moved slower would it have been a 34 hour day?  If the earth would have moved faster could we have a 21 hour day?   Would I be 39 or 60 years old if the earth moved slower?  Again, if it moved faster would we be 103 instead of 60 years old?  Time is so invisible to us, we just accept the time in our lives.  We look at everything by the time we have during a day, week, month, year, and life time.  Why do we look at time as past, present, or future?  There was time in the past but, is there time in the past now?  Why time is even used to calculate our lives and accomplishments is a question?   How many accomplishments did we have ever before we were born?  In the Bible it says God knew us before time.  What was happening then?  He will know us after this time so, why use time?  I know the answer people will give!  How do we know when school starts, we have to know what time it is.  I was never on time so did it matter?  Just kidding:   You have an assignment due with great importance at work, you will use all your time to get it done and perfect.  If time was not involved would you work as hard to get the product to the customer as quickly?  It’s up to the person who is doing the work.

I look at my life in the terms of the different times I lived.  I lived before now it’s in the past, so is it real cause I am looking at it in the present.   I believe I will live after my flesh is dead.  So actually is time real?  Can anyone see time, yet we gage everything by time.  Can I answer any of these questions  about time?

The definition of time is, “The system of those sequential relations that any event has to any other, as past, present, or future; indefinite and continuous duration regarded as that in which events succeed one another.”   Time to me is from birth to death.  That is time!  We can divide time however we want but the only time we have is birth to death.

Time is a system.  From my youngest years the Bible has been my source of reference for day and night.  However day and night have nothing to do with time.  It’s only a difference for having sun and no sun.  When the sun shines its day and when there is no sun it is night.  This has nothing to do with time.  Man made up the time system from the heavens.  They knew rainy seasons from the stars.  They knew when to plant crops from the stars.  The “Time” was calculated by the heavens.  I don’t remember ever using time except for church or school.  Why did man make a choice to confine himself with time?  Now every little thing we do is dictated by time.  Why would we do this to ourselves?

Most experts say we are trapped in time.  From the moment of our birth we are stamped with a time.   At the moment of our death we are stamped with a time.  If we really believe in the God All Mighty we are never in time.  Our lives are eternal.   So we have lived before, and forever in the future.  Can we even imagine this in our little brains we have.  So to me we have always lived!

I have thought about time from high school.  I hated being told to be somewhere at a certain time.  I worked for years on a time schedule of my own.  Most never get this opportunity.  I worked a job which was 24 hour days.  I worked sometimes 2 to 3 days at a time and never get home.  I could go to work at 4 am and leave at noon.  I then would take time, which was valuable to me.  When I got reviewed for my yearly raise, I turned down the raises for time.  Time seemed to me to be freedom.  I loved to be able to work when I needed to work.  I also loved my time for freedom.  When this changed at the end of my career I wanted out of the system.  Cancer finally gave me all the free time I wanted.  I was blessed and now with time coming to an end for me, it’s sad to see all the people who are in the system.

I have to say most will not understand the true meaning of liberty and freedom.  When you’re 4 years old do you care if it is 2 am or 4 pm.  Life is supposed to be that way.  You get up with the sun and work and then stop work when the sun goes down.  Nobody looked to see if it was 2 in the afternoon.  They would just work, when tired, take a break, and then when the sun was setting they would go home and eat and sit and watch the sun go down.   We have trapped ourselves by the month, day, hour and minute of every day.

I learned the value of time completely when I had kids.  I learned how important time with them was to me.  This was when I made the choice of time over money.  People at work thought I was crazy.  Maybe I was and am.  Now that I have all the time I want, I am not able to do what I want.  That is sad to me but, freedom is better than being a slave to time.

I watched two movies about time, “Jack” and “Mr. Buttons”.  Both had to do with time in people’s lives.  Jack grew up four years to every one year of a normal person.  Mr. Buttons was born old and his life traveled backwards towards his birth.  I was amazed with the thoughts of both of these movies.  We just travel through time and never ever give much thought about the real question, time.  Why is there time?  To me time is not about a year, month, day, hour, or second.  Time is about where are we?  Why are we?  I have no answer to either of these questions.  I want an answer!  I am not sure if in the eternal I will get an answer.  But, I want an answer to time.

I will say that the travel in this life from birth to death is a pleasure.  No matter what anyone says to me it has been a pleasure to be in this time.  I wonder if we really appreciate the time we are given from our birth to death.  We are trapped in man’s made time.  Man’s time to me is chaos.

Aristotle and St Augustine agreed – St Augustine had reached conclusions that time does not exist without an intelligent being that is able to think in the present about things past, present and future. However he was not really happy with his own ideas and prayed for enlightenment

St Augustine wrote the following, “What then is time? If no one asks of me, I know; if I wish to explain to him who asks, I know not.”

“… a present of things past, a present of things present, and a present of things future. … The present of things past is memory, the present of things present is sight, and the present of things future is expectation.”

“My soul yearns to know this most entangled enigma. I confess to Thee, O Lord, that I am as yet ignorant what time is.”

Time rules our lives.  Time controls everything we go to do.  Yet, some of the smartest men in the world could never really figure out what time was.  Duh, why did I write this?  Cause I want to know.  The only verses in the Bible that kept running through my mind were Ecclesiastes, written by Solomon.  Ecclesiastes is one of the greatest books written by the wisest men ever.  In this book he searched for all the personal happiness he could find.   He also wrote about time.  Here is the only answer I could get.

ECCLESIASTES CHAPTER 3

To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.
What profit hath he that worketh in that wherein he laboureth?
I have seen the travail, which God hath given to the sons of men to be exercised in it.
He hath made every thing beautiful in his time: also he hath set the world in their heart, so that no man can find out the work that God maketh from the beginning to the end.  God holds time all time.  I think I just found my answer.  Wow!

 

I started this blog to tell a story of the greatest place on earth.  I was side tracked by my personal needs.  Now I want to talk about the place I live.  The town is called Turleywood.  If you could only understand this town from my eyes, you would move to Turleywood as soon as possible.  I have seen the world and no place in the world is as beautiful as this celestial garden.  Now I am on a mission to make Turleywood known around the world.  This town or city can be like the great towns I have been to in Europe or Asia.  I am going to single handedly make the world want to desire and envy Turleywood.   When you travel south out of Canada and take the long trip you will know you’re in Turleywood when you see the bridge over the mighty Bird River.  This bridge into Turleywood which looks like a combination of the Golden Gate Bridge and the Bridge over Mississippi River in Memphis, Tennessee is a magnificent.   The river walks on both sides of the river, the shops, dinners owned by the local people are gorgeous.  During the evenings and nights the lights shining over the river is indescribable.  No words I know can tell the amazement I see, with all the different people. 

 

I personally have been saving for 31 years to buy a house along the Bird River.  The Bird River section is the most prestigious place to live.  I have a plot of land picked out.  I only have one problem building my 91,000 square foot home.  The city zoning was changed on that one plot of land to be only commercial.  It is hidden back in the woods and I am not sure why the change was made.  It is the only commercial plot in the area of all the houses.  I have a feeling someone is trying to keep me out of the area but, I will be patient, until I can see if it will change.   Next meeting I am going to change my bid to build 9,000 condo’s on the land.  We will see if that will change their minds.  I have a picture of Condo’s on the lake which I think would look great on Bird River.  This would be made up of extractable homes which would be like a landmark of Bird River.  My plan is to make it the tallest erectable buildings in America.   Then rent them out to the poor people, also get my Government Grants for their living there.  They might change their minds when they hear this idea.   

 

       Turleywood is a quaint, elite, elegant town of special people who are so filthy, stinking rich, and live in giant big houses.  Most of the houses are along a river or the side of a mountain that is covered with every known beautiful tree in the world.   This is not your normal looking neighborhood.  The houses when you drive into their driveways you will meet an armed guard at the front gates.  Each home owner has their own armed guards at the entrance.  The drive ways are lined with spectacular lights which can be seen from outer space.  The mansions have round circled drives that have parking on all sides. The parking is for major events by these mega rich people.  Beautiful, beautiful landscaping which anyone would love to just sit and look at the different glorious colors all day.  The gardens are unique patterns of trees, shrubs, and flowers grown in decorative picturesque forms of beauty.  There are no poor people in this town.  Rich is not a big enough word to describe this town.

 

Turleywood is not someplace which people are going to work in suits and ties.  These are people who work at real jobs of sweat and tears daily to come home to their luxury homes.  They rise before the sun comes up and are working at their jobs until the sun goes down. During some of my writings I am going to talk about a few of these people who have made this supreme village of the rich. 

 

Richard is the first I elected to give accolades.  Richard gets up every day and works very, very hard to own his 3 story 54,976 square foot home.  The house has 14 bedrooms, 8 full bathrooms, 2 kitchens, and indoor/outdoor pool.  The house sets on the side of a hill which overlooks the river.  The basement has a huge game room and movie room.  The movie chairs that are so comforting when watching movies you could go to sleep.  I know what you’re thinking, how do I know this.  Someone important told me, because Richard is very, very important man in Turleywood.  He has never spoken to me in person.  I have walked by him and just looked at him like a movie star.  Garth Brooks has said hi to me 3 different times in my life.  Richard I know his importance and know my place.

 

Richard has a regular job but his responsibilities don’t ever stop, it’s a 24 hours a day life for Richard.  Richard is the person who founded the Turleywood Grand Resort and Spa.  It’s now in the winter season with snow skiing and snow events held all the time.  The snow is great this year and the hill is in great shape.  There will be a few obstacles coming down the hills.  Its’ also used as a shooting range in the summer.  There are some old cars and mobile homes which may get in the way.  Now the snows too deep to see any of the gun range targets.  I am not a member yet, you have to own a house and I am trying for mine.

 

In the spring the World Class Golf course opens.  This is not a public course.  It’s owned by Turleywood and only members can play.  This course is built up the mountain and along the Bird River.  The Golf Course Ratings Commission has this course on its list as the 4th hardest in the Region.  I have not got to play the course.  I am not a member yet, you have to own a house and I am trying for mine.

 

This year the Christmas Banquet at the Resort was such a major success because of Richard.  Richard was the chairman and I was not invited but, I heard how great it was from the other guests he did invite.  He had movie stars he knows come in and entertain.   

 

Richard is also the Chairman of the annual Christmas Parade.  It had 22 bands and 45 floats.  The giant balloons were so cool.  Richard knows many, many important entertainers.  They were in the parade.  He has shown us pictures of these entertainers on Facebook many times before he goes to work.  We try to guess who they are.  Amazing how many he knows.  Maybe next year I can go and see the great people Richard had in the parade.  I was not invited to attend the parade.  I as actually asked to stay and guard Richard’s house.  This is so the Richards guards could go to the parade.      

 

Richard is also the President of the “Even Fellows”.  The Even Fellows are a group of men who help the community with projects the “Odd Fellows” cannot get to work on.  I know The Even Fellows work hard every week on a project’s to help build the continuing World View for Turleywood.  They help many companies and individuals with projects to further the World Class elegance of our community.  The rules with the Even Fellows are; they only work in even months and on even days.  I see their tremendous work all the time in the city.  I am not a member yet, you have to own a house and I am trying for mine.

 

       Richard is also the chairman and leader of the “World Championship Carp Fishing Tournament” held each summer.  He is the coordinator for finding our sponsor’s and volunteers for the two day event.  It is a spectacle unmatched by any fishing tournament I have been to in my life.  This is because of the dedication and commitment that Richard has for this Carp Tournament.  He loves Carp.  I have never been invited to help him as a volunteer but, I do enter the event yearly.  Richard assigns me a spot on the river where the water is very, very shallow.  He tells me the huge carp will run up in here when the fishing starts.  It’s so peaceful.  I just sit and look at the trees and listen to the wind.  Looking for Carp and when darkness comes, I go look and everybody has left.  So, I go home and come back for day two.  It’s so exciting I cannot tell you how it feels to be part of such a huge, giant, World Wide event.  Last summer a man from Virginia won first prize with a Carp weighing 11 ½ lbs.  Not a world record and, everybody was gone so I never saw the fish.  I had so much fun fishing and waiting for the carp to show up like Richard said they would.

 

I want the world to know what a humanitarian that Richard is.  I did not know all he did for the community until last summer.   I saw something which was the most admiral site I have ever witnessed.  I drove by a house and Richard was mowing a yard of an older lady.  She was outside watching him mow.  I thought it was Richard’s relative he was mowing the yard for her.  Later that day I saw the lady and asked how she knew Richard. 

 

She told me, “I didn’t know his name, he never told me.  He saw me mowing and stopped his truck and asked me if he could finish it for me.  I told him yes.” 

 

I said, “That was truly nice.” 

 

As I walking back to my car the lady said, “He also helps Margie on the next block and helped Alice paint her house.”  

 

I was so taken back by the complete magnitude of Richards’s kindness.  I turned and looked at the lady and noticed she had on hot, hot pants and a halter top.  She was in her late 80’s or early 90’s.  Not something which should be worn in public, I thought. 

 

I then walked back up to her and asked “Where do Margie and Alice live?” 

 

She gave me their address and I thought I would drive by their houses and see what kind of work Richard was doing. Margie’s yard looked perfect.  Mowed and trimmed to perfection.  I walked up to the gate and she was in the front yard watering her plants. 

 

She turned and asked me, “What do you want?”

 

I asked her, “Did a man help you mow your yard?” 

 

She said, “Yes, the nicest man just stopped and ask if he could mow.  I said sure, thank you.”  

 

I asked, “Did you get his name?” 

 

She said, “I think he said Richard.” 

 

I have to say it was almost impossible talking to this lady for me.  She had on a one piece bathing suit watering her plants.  She had to be well over 90 years old.  Oh, I truly could not look at her when I talked.  Put some clothes on was all I could think of in my mind!

 

I said, “Thank you, I was wondering did you pay him anything?”  

 

She said, “Oh yes, he came in the house and we had a good time.  He stayed for a long time and we had lots of fun.”

 

I thought to myself.  Richard is such a kind man.(wow, had fun?)  People need to know all he is doing to help the elderly. This is one man in Turleywood which makes a difference.  Many live in the elusive township of Turleywood which I will write periodically about their contributions.  Many which will be known worldwide in the history books one day.  To think that one day the Olympics, U.S Open Golf Tournament, National Conventions for President, Summit Meetings from Heads of States; Richard is one of the men who helped start the movement.  Turleywood is going to be a world renowned City.  If you’re lucky you might see Richard and say hi.  He most likely won’t say anything.  But, we want to thank you Richard for all of your hard work and dedication to make Turleywood known all over the world.

 

 

Warning……Do not read this if you have any problem with being sad.  I had written a different topic, for this week.  Not serious at all.  This is not the writing I wrote to put up on my blog but, it is what I have been involved in all week.  To live on this earth you will have to be in the world and this will lead to sadness. 

          What is sadness? This is the question I have right now in my life.  There is happiness also within me.  What is the answer to these words which many have given definitions?  I am writing to try and get some relief of the thoughts which go in and out of my mind.   Ask anyone who knows me and they will tell you I am different from the rest of the people in the world they know.  I don’t know why but I will agree.

          I am talking about a sadness inside me which is like you’re in a desert for days needing a drink of water. I am so thirsty and the sadness never leaves no matter what I drink.  It’s a deep sadness for my whole world that has over taken me.    

          I can make a list of things which I see as sad, which would surprise the crap out of anyone who reads this writing.  I can see how futile the life we have lived seems to have been.  I see the mistakes and the choices we made which all made up the perfect life we have.  God has made this life perfect through his Son.  That is the only happiness I can see in this world.  The wisest man ever to live found this out!  

          Everything comes from our inside to the outside.  I like to say from your soul or spirit, to your physical.  I guess we have to have something opposite to understand life.  I am not sure there are opposites but we as humans have made them opposites to understand.  Does God actually hate?  Does God love less?  The problem with us we believe and try to understand God with our knowledge.  That is a complete joke.  We have no possible way to understand God. 

           In this one week I have watched my 22 year old nephew go through test after test, each one finding one more terrible problem with him.  When each test was complete, the result given, I became sadder and sadder.  He is my younger brother’s son.  He is my nephew.  Such a smart, handsome, gifted young man.  I have never felt the true pain of sadness like I have this week.  It is deep within my soul and so deep it is buried in my heart.  I have lived and seen sickness and death but, why is this so deep into me I can’t rest.  Why can’t I get rest, have any peace, or understanding.

          In the case of this young man, I am not that close to him.  I know him and his gifts to this world only through his mom and dad.  There is something missing in my thought pattern.  Everything that happens is ultimately for God’s Glory.  To me, that is an absolute. 

          Let’s go back to the beginning of all time which we know about.   Adam and Eve, were they happy before they ate the fruit from the tree?  Did they know what sad was?   They were in a state of perfection so how could they know sadness. The knowledge of good and evil is a topic I would like to have spent time on in this writing to see if that is why I am sad.  This is one of the keys to the sadness deep in my core, I believe. 

          The brain is supposed to hold the knowledge of what we learn and is used to bring out all emotions in our life.  How we process this is the wonder which I have about sadness.  Why should any sadness be in our lives?  If we truly love God, how can we ever be sad?  God is pure love and if pure love is flowing all over us how can we be sad?  I know many will give different reasons why this love should outweigh the sadness in the core of our beings.  Is the sadness there to keep us looking for the love of God?   Is the love there to completely take the place of sadness?  With the knowledge of God being in our souls then how can we be sad?  Is it my choice to be sad?  It has to be that way.  I have to choose to be sad.   Remember we have free will.  The choice of sadness is ours.

          People go to different extremes to hide from this fact of life.  Some of the saddest people I know are Preachers, Pastors, those who give themselves to God totally.  I wonder how can you give yourself to pure Love and ever be even down.  The questions which I raise I don’t think has been answered.  People can use all the WORDS in the human language and not give a direct answer to my question.  Why and how did we come to this point where people can even be sad?  Not like this kind of sadness where the whole world is in turmoil.

          My thoughts go a different way which is never talked about.  It’s the flesh.  The word flesh is in the dictionary, way down in the definition of sadness.  The flesh is the part of us which we control.  The flesh is strong and the brain is even stronger.  This is a problem for all people.   We cannot really see what is real.   God is pure love and is always giving us love and never taking it away!  God fills us with love.  Then something happens to us and we no longer use the love for his glory.  We use our mental or brain to choose what we do.  If we let the soul which is filled with the love of God control our brain, we would all be different and the love of all would be easy.  We are selfish on our part to not show God’s love.

          We have to trust God and we are weak, very weak.  I see all throughout the Bible everybody is in this same dilemma I am in.  They were sad.  Actually why were they sad?  Wouldn’t God take the flesh and do what was in the Love of God?   The Disciples, Paul, Jonah, David, Moses, Noah, and on and on, did they have this sadness inside of them?  You can read Solomon and see his sadness.  He looked everywhere to find satisfaction in this world and found it only in God.  So what is this sadness?  What is this inside which keeps the fleshly happiness never satisfied?

          I wonder, if the flesh is ever satisfied by anything the flesh can have.  Yes, it is a temporary fix.  It is totally wrong if you go to church for the emotional happiness.  It is the flesh which causes this sadness according to the church.  You have not given yourself fleshly to God.  Duh, how can I?  The flesh is dead.  God and I do not die.  So the flesh has little to do with the sadness I feel because, it’s deep in the core of my being.   This is something which is not fleshly at all.  It’s a sadness way beyond the unhappiness about something.  It’s a soul/spirit occurrence which I cannot get my arms around.  I want a real hug!  Not a hug of a human, but of God, a hug which heals my soul and brings true peace to my being. 

          I think it is a fact I have NO idea how to receive or accept this peace.  I am not even sure how to say what I am trying to say.  How do I receive this, or do I not know how to receive this peace from God?  I know for a fact it is there for me, is it I am not using what he has given me?   I think I am scared to use this gift he has given me, because I will never fit in this world ever again.  I will really be an outcast of the world.  Is that what I am afraid of?   

          Let’s look at others who I know have received this peace and walked in this peace without sadness.  The only place I know to look for what I am looking for is in the Bible.  Starting from the beginning, to the end of the Bible I cannot see anyone, even Jesus who walked their complete human life in peace, without sadness.  Every human will have sadness.  I believe now that the answer is; how do you walk with this sadness and still glorify God All Mighty.  I just ask God All Mighty to help me see what is real and not of this world.  Thank You Jesus for your gift of life.

This is dedicated to Aaron Lee.  My Nephew.

A Walk with Jesus

I had a dream one night which tells this story.  I wrote this about two years ago.  When one of my brothers asked me to put it up on the blog I balked at the idea.  The premise is the same as a dream I had.  This is a story, not just a small blog.  I am posting this for three people who have asked my brother to read the story.  The dream is truly a dream I received. This is my walk with Jesus through my life up to this point. I hope you enjoy if you read it all.

I was awakened one night by Jesus.  He told me, “Get dressed and follow him.”

When you are told by Jesus to do anything, duh, you do it.  Jesus said “We are going for a walk.” 

As I dressed I ask “Where are we going.” 

He said “Just follow me.”  

I was putting on my shorts and t-shirt and thought to myself, should I wear this?  I slipped on my flip flops and thought again maybe I should wear my tennis shoes.  I went into the closet and put on my socks and tennis shoes and looked at Jesus and he had huge smile. 

I ask him, “Why are you smiling.” 

Jesus said, “You worry about what you are going to wear when you are with me?  I know all about you.  I know all you do.  I am smiling because you are concerned about your looks.” 

I put my hat on and turned the alarm off on my clock.  I figured it will ring all day and I walked out of the house.  Jesus was standing at the door, just standing in the door way and ask me, “What did I ask you to do, follow me?” 

I stopped and said “Forgive me, I thought we were just walking.” 

Jesus said, “That is one of your problems, I ask you to follow me and you thought:  and you did not do what I ask.” 

Oh, no, this is not a joke.  I walked back and waited for Jesus to start walking then I followed.

It was late evening just before dark.  The sun was just setting.  I love this time of day.  We are walking and I am not sure where we were.  I know I had not been here before but, I knew it was not heaven.  I could hear a crowd somewhere which was roaring so loud.  It was not anywhere to be seen but I could hear the crowd.  It was like standing outside of an OU game when they score a touchdown.  The difference was it was so much louder, it was amazing.  I was not afraid.  I was very at peace and safe following Jesus.  He just walked and we talked about life.  I ask him many questions which I had thought of in my life.

He told me “Not to worry about that, just follow me.” 

We saw many people on the street and they looked at me talking to Jesus and when Jesus would answer the people seemed to shy away from me.  I saw the street in many ways.  There was a post office and drug store next to each other which seemed familiar.  I looked at people holding hands and smiles on each other’s face.  They looked like people in love with each other or maybe on a date.    The people seemed normal and were shopping and eating. 

We walked by a little outdoor café and I heard a person say, “Hurry up that is him, we need to go.”  

I ask Jesus “Why are they looking at me so weird.” 

Jesus told me, “They cannot see or hear me talking to you.”  

I thought to myself, wake up I am not sure about this walk.   I am thinking wow this may not turn out like I am thinking. 

Jesus stops and says “So you will know, I know all you think and can hear your thoughts.” 

I said, “Jesus I am afraid.”  

He said “Why are you afraid.” 

I told him “I am not a good person, I have sinned and am feeling all those walking with you right now.  Jesus, I know you and what you have done for me but, I have never felt I deserved anything you have done for me.”  

He said, “I know, and you are so wrong to ever feel that way, many feel this way.  But it’s good, in a certain way you feel this way, you are correct to know you have no reason to be saved.” 

Then he said, “My Father loved you so much that he wanted eternal life for you, like Adam.”  

He turned around and started walking again.  I saw kids playing football and baseball and it looked like so much fun.  I looked across the road and there were kids with nothing.  They looked sad.  I felt sad.  I looked into a window and there were a group of people which seemed to be listening to a person at the front of the room.  All were listening so intensely.  I wondered who they were and Jesus stopped and said “That is part of my body.”    

As I followed Jesus I was very quiet and just looked at him from behind.  After a long walk with people looking at us, we turned a corner and there was a huge stadium like complex, with people in line to go into the stadium.  I was so confused; I just looked at this complex.  People were in lines which seemed so long and the crowd was so big. 

As we walked by I could hear the people say, “There he is.”   I moved close to Jesus, I seemed to be stepping on his heels.  I actually was walking into him and could not feel him.  My senses could see him and I could not feel him.   We kept walking thru the crowd and people would spread apart and say “He is here.”  I just kept thinking now they can see Jesus and they know something special was going to happen. 

We walked thru a special gate and went inside the stadium with a crowd that was so big I had never seen anything as amazing.  I had watched Alex pitch with a crowd all the way around the field at least 4 deep to watch.  All the people were chanting against Alex while he pitched a 1 hitter and struck out 13.  I watched Lindsay play a match with 25,000 people watching.  Cheering, and I never felt the feeling she received by playing in front of that many people.  I had little 5,000 people crowds watching baseball games.  Baseball people are different: they just only cheer if someone does something.  Not, like Alex and Lindsay.  This crowd inside this stadium was so loud I just wondered what Jesus was going to do.  I was still walking behind him and we walked into a room and he told me just to sit down.  I sit there and he sat in front of me and started talking.

Jesus said, “I ask all my children to do this, you are not the first or the last.” 

I just sat there and did not move.  My body was very weak.  My body was so tired I just leaned back in my chair and said, “Yes, Lord I will do what you ask.” 

I couldn’t see too well, as he kept telling me, “It’s almost time to go, just rest. I will let you know when we go.” 

I kept thinking why I am tired, worn out, seemed to be fading physically.  How can I walk to the stadium?  It would be a great walk with Jesus but, I am so tired.   I didn’t know for sure what he wanted me to do but, anything he wanted now I would do without hesitation. 

I was slumped over in my chair and Jesus came over and placed his hand on my shoulder and said, “It’s time to go.”  

I stood up and really felt good.  I ask, “Where are we going.”  

Jesus said, “I have something I want you to do.”  

I said “Sure.” 

I could hear the crowd in the stadium and they were so loud now the stadium was shaking.  I could not understand what they were chanting but, they were saying something about Jesus, was all I could understand.  This time I followed Jesus out the door, and made a real effort to make sure he was ahead of me.  We walked down a long corridor which seemed to be leading nowhere then we turned a corner and I could see the crowd in the distance. 

I stopped and said to Jesus, “We are not going out there together are we?” 

Jesus looked me in the eyes and said “Yes, we are.” 

He told me “I have something I need you to do and, I will be with you every step you take.” 

I ask him, “You will not leave me?” 

He said, “I have always been with you, everything you ever did I was with you, everything you are going to do, I am, and will be with you now.”  

I thought to myself “I AM” which I knew he was “I AM.”   Jesus turned and said “YES, I AM.”  

All of a sudden loud trumpets sounded and the crowd was completely quiet.  The trumpets were of all pitches and tones unheard of by man, in harmony like I have never heard.  I have learned there are only 12 tones as humans we know of.  The tones of these trumpets seemed to have so many more than 12 tones.  I just listened and was actually ready to run into the crowd.  They were the most beautiful sounding tones I had ever heard or even could imagine. 

Jesus said, “Wait until I say we go.”  I was ready just like in a big baseball game.  Let’s get started Jesus I thought.  He turned again and said, “It’s not time yet.” 

Then the lights turned off in the stadium and Jesus turned and said “Let’s start the walk.” 

I was right behind him and out of the tunnel was a giant stream of smoke, with laser lights flashing all over the stadium and Jesus said, “Follow me.” 

As we walked through the smoke a spot light shined on us and the crowd started to cheer like no human has ever heard in their life.   I know looking around the stadium was at least a million people here in this stadium.  I did not talk again, I communicated with Jesus just by thought because I knew nobody could hear anything said to anybody else. 

I ask Jesus “What is this.” 

Jesus said, “Follow me and I will show you.” 

As we walked out on the field Jesus started walking to one end of what looked like a football field.  It was not a football field; it was grass which was the brightest green I had ever seen.  I did not pay much attention to the crowd at all.  I was following Jesus and when we got to the end of the field he pointed to the other end.  

Jesus said, “Ronny I want you to walk to the other end of the grass.” 

I looked and looked at the crowd.  I did not see any people I knew.  I said, “Who are these people.” 

Jesus said, “You will see as we walk.” 

I noticed the field seemed to marked over on the side with the numbers 10,20,30,40……to 100.  There were no lines across the field just the brightest green field I have ever seen.   I also noticed the end of the field was a curtain.  I was not sure what was behind the curtain but let’s go see. 

I ask Jesus, “When do we start.” 

He said, “Are you ready for this walk?”  

I said, “Why do you ask that way, with that tone of voice.”

Jesus said, “These people are here to see you walk this walk, are you ready to walk for me.”  I was not sure what Jesus meant, but I said “Yes.”

I started to take my first step and stopped.  I turned to Jesus and said, “I only go if I follow you.” 

Jesus smiled and stepped on the grass.  He turned and held his hand out.  Jesus had never wanted to hold my hand on our trip here.  I wondered why now.  Jesus said, “You can only take this trip if I am holding you.” 

I now stepped on the grass and I was so taken back by what I felt.  I felt a change which so strange it’s not describable.  Remember, I felt so safe with Jesus holding me.  I was instantly changed to a little child.  I never felt this feeling ever that I could remember.  It was so fearful to feel this way.  I was lost but had some comfort from somewhere.  It seemed forever before I took the next step.  I felt safer and could understand more in my mind.  I was little, so little in my mind. 

Jesus said, “Take one more step.” 

I stepped one more time and wow what a change in my mind, I was completely safe in my mind.   I felt some love, and around me were people who cared. 

I ask Jesus, “What is going on”?  

Jesus said, “You will know as we keep walking.”  

I ask Jesus, “Can people see you in the crowd.” 

He said, “Some can, some can’t, it’s up to them.”  I walked very slowly and each step was a change in my mind.  I started to know people, my brothers, sisters, mom, dad, granddad, grandma, relatives.  I was still small but each was coming into my mind with each step.  It still did not dawn on me what was happening.  I was about half way to the sign which had the number 10 on it. 

I felt sadness about half way there and Jesus said, “Do you know I was there.”  I said, “No, I did not see you.  I just remember being in the hospital a long time. 

Jesus said, “Oh, I have always been there with you.”  I bowed my head and stopped for a minute.  Then I heard a chat coming from the crowd.  “Go Ronny Go, Go Ronny Go.” 

I looked at Jesus and he said, “These people want you to continue, do you want to get to the end.” 

I said, “Yes.” 

I took another step and now there was school in my mind.  I thought this is my life!  

Jesus said, “Yes, do you want to see it all.” 

I told him “Jesus, will you hold my hand this last trip.” 

He smiled and said, “I told you I would never let you go, for eternity.” 

I had instant fear come over me.  I knew all I had done.  I thought are we going to see all I did.  I lied, hide, I was the biggest sinner I knew.  I was not sure if I wanted to take this walk in front of millions of people. 

Jesus said, “Do you believe in me?” 

I was taken back for a minute and just stood there stunned.  I then had a big smile and said, “Let’s go.” 

I said to Jesus, “There is some really bad things in my life, do we have to see them.” 

Jesus said, “I covered all those with my blood, why do you worry.”  I felt so small, so little after that truth from Jesus.” 

I took a step and a pain in my mind hit me that was so hard to handle. 

Jesus held my hand and said, “Its fine; was it not ok?” 

I stood up and my mind let me see all that happened during this period of my life.  I was about at the 10 marker and my dad was gone, and I lived with my granddad and grandma.  It was a very hard time for me.  I took another step and it was amazing how it felt better. 

Jesus said, “See I was with you, and all was good.” 

I said, “It was perfect as I stand here.”  It was your first look at loss of something which was so important to me and all was good.  I saw fishing, and fishing and fishing and my granddad and grandma as if they were so amazing.  It was good.  My dad lived for another 40 years.  Life was actually very, very good.

I took another step and fell to my knees and was crying.  Jesus helped me up and said “Why the emotion.” 

I said, “Jesus you came to me, I accepted you as my Lord and King for everything in my life.” 

Jesus said, “Yes, on that couch in the front room, in your little house were 30-40 people singing.” 

Jesus said, “That is why you are on this walk.” 

I again stood up and said, “I don’t understand.” 

Jesus said, “Look in the crowd.”  I looked around and the crowd was completely quiet.  I could not comprehend what was going on. 

Jesus said, “Look again at the crowd, how many people do you know”?  I looked hard at all these people and saw some people I knew.  There was my mom and dad, my grandma and granddad, there was my brother Don.  I was now really confused at what was going on.  I am not sure why I am looking and seeing this.  Why am I walking this walk with Jesus holding on to me?  Why in front of millions of people?

Jesus said, “Keep walking slowly.” 

I took another step and there was now baseball.  Oh, I loved baseball.  I took tiny little steps and there was more baseball.  Wow, I felt so comfortable.  I felt a happiness that is not in my vocabulary.  I kept taking tiny steps until I got to a day which I was in Shawnee, Okla.  I just stood there and one of the most perfect days of my life. 

I ask Jesus, “Can I stand here a minute.” 

Jesus said, “Stand there as long as you like.” 

My mind just replayed that day when Pat got out of the car with my mom and dad to watch me play.  It was the first time she watched me play ball.  I hit a triple in the 13^th inning and we won the game.  Standing hold hands with Jesus and feeling this

Jesus said, “I knew you loved her when you were in Junior High.” 

Jesus said, “Pat is my child, and is my child forever.” 

I just thought how I loved her so much, and Jesus already knew that we would be together.  Wow, that is not comprehendible to me. This walk from the 10-20 markers I took such tiny steps it was like it took hours to walk between the two markers.  Everything was so exciting.  I loved this part of my life.  With Pat I was so happy all the time. 

Why do I not see the problems we had.  I ask Jesus, “We would break up all the time and get back together, where is that I don’t see it.” 

He said, “How can you see the bad, there was no bad!  All things are good who believe in me.  There can be nothing which is bad in your life.”  

I did understand but, I didn’t understand.  Jesus said “Yes in the physical all looks completely different than the world I live.  If you looked from where I looked from, you would see there is nothing which is bad except the rejection of me.”  

Jesus said in a sad voice, “That makes me sad and I hope and give hope to those who don’t know the truth.”  Then I looked at Jesus and thought, you are the TRUTH. 

Jesus said, “Yes, I am.” 

I stood there longer and when he said, “I AM” Moses came to my mind and I smiled a big smile and wanted to jump up and down. 

Jesus said, “You have a long walk, don’t get too excited right now.” 

I just keep taking little tiny steps until I crossed the 20 marker.  Then there was the day which was the second greatest day of my life.  There was Pat and I standing in front of a church crowd saying “I DO.”  My life could have ended on that day and it would have been a perfect life.  It dawned on me now this is my complete life I am looking at.  Why the crowd? 

I ask Jesus “Why are all these people here?  We could have walked this with just you and me.” 

Jesus said, “You will find out on down toward the curtain.  Just look and enjoy your life.”  

I started taking more time at each step, to see my life.  Each day was such a great experience and seeing Jesus just in front of me and holding my hand it was so perfect.  My life till now was so perfect and I never knew. 

Jesus said, “Look over there and see your Granddad, he is here to make sure you are ok.” 

I said, “Why would he worry or be here now.” 

Jesus said, “He is only here to see you walk this walk.  He walked this walk with great humbleness and grace that he wants you to do the same.” 

I ask Jesus, “Have I failed him?”  

There was no answer, Jesus just pointed toward the curtain.   I guess I will find out, which sent a chill down my spine.  

Now each step I took was with Pat.  I told Jesus, “This is starting to bother me with her always in my mind.   It’s a new responsibility which I did not know I had so much I should have done for her.”  Jesus said, “Hold my hand it will be fine, you will see.” 

I took bigger steps hoping and hoping all would turn out good.  It was on my mind.  Jesus stopped and said, “Why do you not believe me?  I told you a few steps ago, nothing is bad.  Why do you worry?  Trust me!  Believe in me!  All will be perfect.”

I said, “I was not good, I was so selfish, greedy, and I was not any good and I think I was such a sinner I am not sure I deserve to even be here.  I know this and you know this.” 

He smiled and said, “Let’s go.”  I relaxed some.   Jesus smiled and said, “About time.”

I held Jesus’s hand so tight.  We started walking very slow.  I saw trips, houses, people, churches, and Pat and I were so happy.  I never took life too serious and all seemed to be good.  I reached right in between the 20-30 mark and stopped in my tracks.  Jesus just stood there and did not say a word.   In front of me was a little baby.  It was handed to Pat and I from a figure I could not make out who he or she was.  Without saying a word, Jesus said, “Yes that was me.”  

I looked at all who were around Pat and I.  It was so many people I had not even given a second thought to for years and years.  This little boy was so precious and I remembered coming home from work and laying him on my chest and just let him lay for hours.  This was life changing and life was never going to be the same.  Pat and I now had been given a child and our lives changed lives forever.

I took another step and now Alex our child was dying.  He was wasting away and doctors told us he had strep throat and was a carrier of strep.  We were scared and the only place to turn was to God. 

Jesus said, “I was there all the time, why were you scared of anything?” 

I said, “My child was dying.” 

Jesus said, “What if you father sent you to die, what would you have done.”  

I said, “How could I have let him die.”  

Jesus said, “Would you worried if you knew I was there and turned to me for whatever happened.” 

I thought, this is not right to ask.   Jesus said, “Oh, not right, not fair, how can you say what is fair or right, who created this child and gave you this child?” 

I said, “Forgive me.” 

Jesus said, “I remember the prayers you said, and answered them.” 

I said “Jesus, I don’t remember even praying.”  I would think I would and would hope I did but, I don’t remember saying any prayers. 

Jesus said, “Pat prayed night and day.  I gave Pat the answer if you remember.  She wanted to go to an ear, nose and throat doctor who took his tonsils out.  All was solved.”  Alex lived a healthy life. 

I am walking and starting to understand did I really trust Jesus, or did I say I did and walked my own way.  It seemed I made all wrong choices. 

Jesus stopped and said, “You have no memory over 5 minutes do you.” 

I smiled and took another step.  I had forgotten about the crowd.  It was like a baseball game.  I remember not ever hearing anybody ever in the stands.  I never paid any attention to the crowd.  People on our team would talk about things said in the stands or behind the dugout.  I don’t remember ever hearing the crowd and I wasn’t’ hearing anything now.  I stood for a minute and the crowd was even louder than I first started.  I ask Jesus, “I still don’t understand why millions and millions of people are here for me and you to walk down this field.” 

He said, “You will understand closer to the end.”  I just took another step. 

Oh, that step was a big one.  I see me backing out of the drive way and I know where I am going.  I am going to see my Granddad for the last time alive.  I look over into the stands and see him with his hat on and just sitting and watching.  He knew where I was on my trip and he just sat there and everybody was cheering.  He smiled at me and I stood a minute and with tears in my eyes, I took one more step and he died. 

I ask Jesus, “Can I back up one step.” 

Jesus said “No, This walk is one way only.”  I looked over and Granddad was now standing.  I smiled and he was smiling.

I walked for a while now as life was becoming a routine which was very comfortable.  Church, Work, Home, Alex, and Pat all were just a complete life at this time.  Our teachers, friends and family were actually all any man could expect.  Life was good for this walk. 

I turned to Jesus and said “Thank you for a great life during this period.” 

Jesus said, “Remember everything is good, not just when the physical is good.” 

Why would he say that?   I was just thanking him for all he gave us during this period of our life.  Of course he is looking from a different direction than I am.  So what is ahead, I thought I knew all that was going to be ahead but, did I?

Then the next step Pat and I was handed another child.  Pat had to go through tremendous pain and Jesus hands this little child to me.  I was now a father again and the first one I think I am failing to raise correctly.  I did the same thing with this child, laid her on my chest.  It was again so nice to feel this again.  She was so small, unprotected and I was holding her. 

I ask Jesus, “I know you were there but I felt so uncertain, why?” 

Jesus said, “Trust.” 

I looked at Jesus and said, “Yes, we say we trust but, completely is so hard.” 

Jesus said smiling, “Really, ask my Father when I was here and knew why I was here.  I didn’t really understand the answer.  I knew what he was talking about but, the answer seemed incomplete.” 

Jesus said, “You will see as we walk the completeness of my answer.”  

I kept walking and nothing really bothered me in the steps I was taking.  Each is what I was starting to realize.  I was not deserving of Jesus’s sacrifice.  Each step gave me a greater understanding of what Jesus had done for me. I saw in my mind pictures of happiness, sadness, emptiness, love, and people with great love in their hearts.  I saw each one of my mistakes and some choices which were good.  Each step was making more sense of the trip I was walking down this field of grass and I finally looked up.  Holding Jesus hand very firm I looked to the end of the walk and realized I had not walked very far toward the curtain.  I was getting nowhere close to the end of the field.  I stood for a second and again noticed the crowd.  The crowd was still cheering but, I had not heard them.  I looked toward the curtain and a thought crossed my mind about what was behind that curtain for the first time. 

Jesus said, “Don’t look down the field; you can only look at what is now.  Does no good to worry about your next step, just follow me.”  

I thought to myself, I have been told this minute after minute and I am just now starting to understand this, why?  

Jesus said, “Oh, its common, people worry about tomorrow, it’s very common.  You are no different than most in this stadium.”

I took another step and the pain and sadness of my mother and grandmother came into my mind.  I could see and feel the pain both went through during their life’s end.   I took another step and the sadness went away. 

I ask Jesus “Why, they suffered so much?” 

Jesus said, “You will see later but, how do you know they suffered?  Did they suffer or were you thinking they were suffering?  How can you tell they were not happy?  Who is in control and how can you know what others feel without being my Father.” 

Jesus said, “Pain, What is Pain?  Sadness, what is Sadness?   Tell me what they are!  You can’t even start to feel the pain or sadness my Father feels.  But, what comes from my Father to you?  Love, Love, Love.   Pain is Physical; Sadness is Emotional, so tell me if you feel this, what should you be doing all the time?”  

I could not even comprehend what he was saying.  It made no common sense to me.  I griped his hand a little firmer. 

Jesus said, “Lets walk I have given you too much to grasp.” 

I took another step and such happiness was here.  Alex playing baseball and Lindsay playing tennis and I am in my glory years.  I took one more step and noticed that I was beside Jesus.  I did not know what to do or say.  I could and would not move.  I would not or could not say anything.  I was to follow him only.  That is all he had asked.  Now I had put myself even with him.  I know, knew, remembered and now I have screwed up big time.  I could not even see anything in my mind.  Nothing was showing up.  I heard the crowd and they were like I was in the middle of a forest with nobody around.  I could not hear anything at all.  My thoughts were numb and I did not know what to do.  Jesus had told me do not step backward so I had nowhere to go. 

Jesus looked over at me and asked “What is wrong?” 

I said, “Forgive me Father I have not obeyed your will.” 

Jesus said, “You are forgiven and needed not to worry.  You knew your sin, it is now no more.” 

I said, “Thank you, Jesus.”   

I ask Jesus, “Can I stand here a minute.”  

He said, “Of course.” 

As I stood there I started to remember from where we had walked from the times I did the exact same thing and did not realize it till now.  I would pray for the will of God to take place and do my own thing.  I prayed for forgiveness and kept doing the same things over and over.  I know I was forgiven but did I repent.  This thought was bothering me and I could not get it out of my mind after I walked up by Jesus and not followed him.  Jesus squeezed my hand and got my attention. 

Jesus said “Lets walk some more.” 

Now I was really messed up in my mind.  He did not give me any advice about my thoughts I was thinking.   I wondered why?

I took another step and there were many thoughts and pictures in my mind.  Churches, Family, People from work, Alex and Lindsay’s friends, such confusion in my mind.  I could not take all this in it was so amazingly filling my brain I wanted it all to stop. 

I ask Jesus, “Can I stop these thoughts and take them slowly.” 

Jesus said, “This was how your life was at that time so no it is a picture of your time at that period in time?” 

I took another step and it continued at the same pace.  I took another step and it started to slow down.  I was so stressed watching the last two steps I was getting a little tired. 

I ask Jesus again, “Please don’t let go of my hand.” 

Jesus said, “For the 1000^th time I am not letting go of you ever again.” 

We stood as I watched Pat working so hard, Alex and Lindsay excelling in all they did.  I was working as I always did, not too hard.  My family started to come more together than in years.  It was a good period, it went too fast.  It was all going too fast.  I looked over and had moved up almost to the 40 marker. 

I said to Jesus, “I am the chief of all sinners, and what I have seen has not been as bad as I thought.” 

Jesus said, “Your sins are on me, I took your sins, is that so hard to believe?”  

I told him, “I know you took my sins away, but the people who I hurt were affected.” 

Jesus said something which I became very weak when he said it. 

Jesus said, “I took your sins, washed white as snow.  Now the consequences of your sins are still around.  You forgave, did the others forgive you?”   

I bowed my head and said, “I don’t know.” 

He said, “They have to choose to forgive, and it’s not your problem after you confess your sin and forgive them.” 

I felt very tired and weak now can I sit down.  Jesus said “Yes.”  

I sat down and wondered how many people I had hurt in the past from where we were.  I know I hated no one, or even disliked no one on earth.  What if they hate me today?  I wonder if people really hate me on this earth.  I was worn out now, and I was not to the 40 marker yet.  Jesus placed his hand on my head and I stood up.  As I stood I felt strength come back into my body. 

I ask Jesus, “Do you understand what I was thinking.” 

He said “Yes, don’t worry about anything it’s taken care of ahead of our walk.”

I took my next step and another pain hit me.  A deep pain, which was different than the other pains I had felt.  My mind saw Jack Ford.  My best friend and he died at 39 years old.  I knew why, in physical terms and always just accepted his death.  Inside me it was the first death of a friend.  It’s different than a family member dying.  I can’t explain in words the difference it’s just different.  Jack told Lonnie, my brother he believed in Jesus and knew his belief was real.  Yes, he was not good but believed Jesus loved him.  I knew he is here somewhere so I stopped and looked.  I spotted him and for the first time I laughed.  He was so far up in the stadium but I could see him very well. He was in the nose bleed section.  I just thought about his life, and all I knew he had done.  There was Jack smiling and pointing to the curtain.  He was telling me to get there.    

I walked a step and was in a mess.  My mind knew where this was going.  I had a family, kids, church, and some bad choices in front of me.  I took one more step and stopped. 

I ask Jesus, “Can we run through this part of my life.” 

Jesus said, “No, it’s the best part of your life.” 

I told Jesus, “I failed you more in the next 10 years than I think I failed you in my lifetime.”  Jesus actually laughed. 

Jesus said, “You look the wrong direction all the time.  You prayed and prayed for many things in your life and I gave you what you needed.”  I looked at him and agreed. 

I said Jesus, “you gave me everything I ever needed, I give you the praise and glory for all you have done for me and my family.” 

Jesus said, “Lets walk and you will see that I am who I say you should be.” 

That line bothered me.  It didn’t sound comforting at all.  So, I took a small step.  I saw myself consumed with Lindsay and her tennis.  I now wanted to run away.  Jesus knew this and said, “Wait, do you not know what you did?”   

I said, “Yes, I took Lindsay and put her in a place that a man was charged with molesting young girls and is in jail.  I took Lindsay to a place in the mountains and left her as she was crying to come home.  I let Lindsay stay with abusive couple out of wedlock.  I turned her over to a couple who got devoiced and Lindsay fell in love with this older guy.  I let her be abandoned, abused, and her dad wanted her to be number 1 in the world.  This is sick of me.  I was wrong, all the time praying and all this happened to her.” 

Jesus said, “What happened to Lindsay?”  I stood and thought. 

Jesus asked again, “What has happened to Lindsay?  Give me an answer!” 

Jesus was very firm in asking “What is wrong with your children!  Who do you think you are, trying to take or get credit for their lives?  Did you not give both your children to me as babies by holding them up in your backyard and telling my Father this child is yours, do your will with them.   You ever thought you had no control of all that went on?”  

I said, “You entrusted to me my children for you and I failed.” 

Jesus said, “Lets walk, you need to see more and more.”  Jesus seemed upset at me.   But, never let go of my hand. 

I took one more little step.  I saw a picture of Pat having cancer.  I saw Lindsay and Alex upset.  I did not stay there but a second.  I took another step quickly.  Pat was healed, Lindsay and Alex were married.  All seemed good. 

Jesus said, “Oh, amazed?”  

I said, “Looking this way at this period in my life, yes I am amazed.”   In one step the entire world turned upside down and then its right side up. 

Jesus said, “Did I tell you that you look at life so wrong.  You should be looking at me instead of looking at all that is around you.”   

I said “Jesus, my life changed in those few years until now.”  I continued, “I have not been very good, and I know now I have been always looking at the next bad event in my life.  I know what you say, why is it so hard for me to follow you instead of running around doing what I do.” 

Jesus said, “Sit down.”  I sat down and he sat there a minute and he turned and said, “What are you thinking.” 

I said, “Why did we sit down.” 

Jesus smiled and said, “Why did you not look around and soak in the moment all around you.” 

He said, “All just run, run until they hit the wall and that’s when they sit down and look around.  Why not look around all the time and see what my Father has done.  Nobody is satisfied with just loving all that they have and will be given as they go thru this walk.  If we started this walk over, how would you have looked at all that you have seen and heard.”   

I thought for a minute and said to Jesus, “I would have walked with more faith, trust, love, and I would have known all was perfect because of you.” 

I had tears in my eyes and sat there with my head down.  Jesus said “Why is your head down?”   I said, “I feel like I failed.  I feel like I walked my life not being with you.” 

Jesus let go of my hand.  Oh, you talk about a change in this moment.  I was surrounded by such evil, so many feelings of something I can’t explain.  I was so scared I was in total chaos and scared to insanity.  I was getting ready to run and Jesus put his hand on my shoulder.  I was changed instantly.  I was back to where we were before. 

Jesus said, “Now tell me, were you with me and I with you, your complete life.” 

Jesus said “Look into my eyes.  Were we ever apart, not connected and completely in my Fathers will.  Sure you made choices which many would have not made but, you made them.  Now you tell me, were they not completely ended in the will and glory of my Father.” 

I ask, “Jesus, did your Father get the glory, please tell me even with my choices did he get the glory.” 

Jesus took both my hands into his and said, “I promise you my Father will always get the glory no matter what choice you make.”   Jesus said “Stand up.  It’s time to walk on to the end.”

I ask Jesus “Can I have one minute to look around.” 

Jesus said “Sure.”  I just stood there not looking at really anything but thinking about the rest of the trip. 

Jesus said, “Why did you ask me to look around when you are thinking about the rest of the trip we are taking.” 

I said, “I was looking ahead to prepare my spirit for what is good.” 

Jesus said, “Ok.”  The next few steps were strange because I did not know what was happening.  It seemed confusing but, I did not stop walking.  I then step and felt a shock through my whole system. 

Jesus looked at me and said “What is your problem?” 

I said, “This is the day in the alley behind work.”  “I was at such a crossroads with the worldly system I was going truly insane.” 

I excitedly told Jesus, “This is the day, this is the day.” 

Jesus, “I walked out back at work and in the middle of the day I raise my hands and ask God to kill me.  Help me; do anything with me you please.  I was yelling in that alley as loud as I could.  I wanted God to hear me.” 

Jesus said, “I was there and you were yelling really loud.” 

I said, “I could not handle anymore life on this earth.  I was completely worn out, tired, and exhausted with this world.”  I just stood there feeling such a relief that Jesus knew my lot at that time.  I knew he was there but, never in the context of now in the middle of this field.  

I took another step and there I was without a job, filed bankruptcy, was scared of this world.  I was not in shape to work after a year or two and looked at all the love that was around me at that time. 

I turned to Jesus and said, “I think, but would you assure me that I did ok during this time.” 

Jesus said, “You were perfect because you keep your faith and hope in me.  You always turned to me and that is the key to your eternal life.” 

I said, “So many helped me and I have not ever thanked them enough, have I?”  

Jesus said, “Thank them for whose love.  Think about what you just said.  Think hard on the words you used.” 

I couldn’t think about what he meant, what is he saying.  I took one more step and said Jesus, “I would thank your Father for the love he gave these people, to give to me!”  Jesus stopped and turned to me and asked me a question which I knew the answer but never understood deep inside my soul.

Jesus said, “Ronny, where does all love come from?” 

Then he said, “My Father is the only reason there is any love anywhere, and everywhere!”  It was a loving complete sentence which Jesus just told me.  There is no love anywhere without God all Mighty. 

Jesus said, “Your knowledge and wisdom is growing.”    Wow what a thought.  We have no love in us which we give without God the  Father giving us his love to give to others.  Oh, I was so ashamed I never figured this out before now. 

Jesus said “You are revealed certain thoughts when you can comprehend them.  It would have done no good to show this until now.” 

Jesus actually gave a small laugh and said “You are funny when you learn something new.  Let’s get to walking.”

The next step I took was nothing with all that was going on.  I just kept walking and seeing the love of God everywhere I went.  I was at the 60 marker and something happened I forgot about in our walk.  I was really sick for the first time in my life.  I didn’t realize this is the first time I had been actually sick until I took this step.  I was 60 years and had not really been hospital sick physically.  Wow, I thought to myself. 

Jesus said, “Yes, you’re sick for the first time, and you just figured that out?  You have seen many sick people but you have never lain in the bed of the sick person.  All you did is get really sad and hide from this point.” 

I ask Jesus, “I sinned didn’t I?” 

Jesus said “Sinned?  How did you sin?” 

I said, “I should have helped more and had more compassion for the sick and dying in my life.” 

Jesus said, “I will not answer that one question because you will answer it in the eternal life you have.”   

Again an answer I did not expect.  What does that mean?  I will find out later, not understand?  This was a bothersome answer.  I didn’t like the answer, just tell me I sinned.  Jesus turned and looked at me and I looked at him and he smiled.  Now I was shaken to my toes. 

I stopped and ask him, “Tell me what you mean.” 

Jesus said, “Why worry about a little answer such as that? Don’t be concerned now about the past anymore, your future is that vale.” 

I said, “What vale?” 

Jesus pointed toward what I thought was a curtain.  It was not a curtain.  It was like a mist falling from the sky.  A VERY dark rain.  You could not see through the rain.  It was a concerning, worrisome, and dark image.  I stood and thought a minute and remembered Jesus said he would never let me go so I was not worried. 

Jesus turned and said, “Ronny, that is a few steps off the grass and you will take the last steps on your own.  I am always with you but, you have to go through this with me on the other side vale.” 

I thought holy crap, this ain’t right.  It was still a long ways away.  I was a little past the 60 marker and there was the 100 marker way down there. 

I stood there and ask Jesus “I am at the end of this trip?  Do I get to leave now and go back home?” 

Jesus said, “Home?  Where is home?” 

I thought ok what is going on.  What am I to do?  I am here and am I dead?  Am I alive?  What am I a spirit, soul, a physical being what am I?”

Jesus says “You know you can walk through the vale and see what is behind there.” 

I ask, “Can I come back.” 

Jesus said, “Go see.” 

I let go of Jesus hand and wow, it was there again, Evil beyond belief. 

I grab his hand and said “NO.  I am not leaving you.  I will not go without you.” 

Jesus smiled and just stood there looking into the stadium.  He said, “Ronny you have not paid much attention to who is here.” 

I looked around the stadium and the stadium was 3 times the size as when I walked in.  I looked to the top of the stadium and I could see people who looked as if they were right next to me.  I had telescope lenses for eyes.  They were as clear as if they were standing right beside me.  I knew these people, I told Jesus their names. 

I ask Jesus, “How do I know them, I have never seen them.” 

Jesus said, “Look at the vale.” 

I was not scared; I was just totally taken back because the vale and the 100 marker was moving closer to Jesus and I.  I was still just past the 60 sign and the vale was about to pass the 70 sign. 

I ask Jesus “Am I dead.” 

Jesus said, “No, the vale moves back and forth so you know that life is precious and perfect no matter what state you are in.  The vale is the sign of completeness.  Only my Father knows when 100% of your life is.  When you have lived 100% of your life is when you pass through the vale.  Let’s sit a minute and talk because I know you have questions.”  

I said, “Yes a few questions about all of this that is happening.”  

Jesus asked me “Do you remember Steve Adams and his brother from the 1^st grade.” 

I said “yes.” 

Jesus said “I walked this walk with them and when we started they started running down the grass.  I had to run hard to get in front of them.  I had to stop them and both were surprised.  They knew of me.  They were in such a hurry to get through the vale it was amazing.” 

Jesus I said, “They drowned trying to save each other from drowning, I never forgot them.” 

Jesus said “Think about that statement.  Why would you remember someone from 50 years ago.” 

I said, “What I remember is they were twins and I thought really nice.  When I heard the story it impressed me, Steve’s brother gave up his life for his brother to try and save him.” 

Jesus said, “Am I your brother”? 

Now what a question the only thought that came to me is what the next questions are. 

I said, “Yes.” 

He asks the next question and now he surprised me and I was completely confused when he asked, “Would you die to save yourself?”   I did not know how to answer this question.  I don’t know what you mean. 

Jesus said, “Yes you know exactly what I am saying.” 

I said, “Jesus, please I don’t know if I will answer it correctly.  I am afraid to answer.” 

Jesus sat there and did not say a word.  It was silent in the stands.  It was like if I answered wrong I fail. 

I finally searched inside and answered “I would die for you, I would die for my brothers and sisters, and yes I would die to live.” 

I said to Jesus, “Yes I would die for me.” 

I ask, “Why did the question seem selfish and self-centered?  I feel I answered wrong, why?” 

Jesus said “You’re in the Physical, and thinking physical, that is a physical answer.” 

Then Jesus looked me in the eyes and said, “You cannot die, that is the answer.” 

I actually smiled and said “Yes, I understand your question now.”

Jesus said, “I need to show you something which is more amazing than anything you have ever seen or heard.” 

Jesus said, “You need to pay attention to what I am about to say cause for some it’s hard to follow.  Clear your mind, try and concentrate on my words.”  

Jesus starts talking, “When I came I walked around and picked twelve men to follow me.  One was not mine, so really I had eleven.  I lived, ate, talked, traveled and gave all I knew from my Father to these eleven.  From these eleven they had weak faith in me.  I knew these men’s hearts were everything my Father needed.  Also, everything I did confused them and they were amazed so easy.  From these eleven who elected another to make twelve and whole world learned about me.  I know you know this part of the picture.  The big picture was each one touched others.  Peter touched 3000 on the day of the Pentecost.  Others of the group touched others and the others touched others.  Now, how many have those twelve touched by today.”  

I said, “Billions of people.” 

Jesus said, “Exactly right.” 

Jesus said, “Look at the people in the stadium.” 

I looked all around the stadium and all the people were not cheering just standing and listening to Jesus.  Jesus said, “You do not know it but these are the people you touched in your life.”  

I looked around and said, “I am sorry but I never saw these people.”  

Jesus said, “You have such a small little world you live in, it’s just about you.  Let’s start with your beginning way back there at the beginning.”  

I interrupted Jesus and said, “Forgive me, I have not saved anyone or as they say brought anyone to you.”   Jesus started laughing and it was a real laugh.  It was a laugh which started everybody laughing.  This laughter went on for about 2 minutes. 

He looked at me a said, “Get out of YOURSELF.”  I was embarrassed and Jesus knew this.  He placed his hand on my head and said, “Shut your eyes.”  I will show you what your life meant to this earth and for my body to be built for eternity.” 

My mind was changed to see so many people who my Granddad touched, my Grandma touched, my mom and dad, brothers, sister.  There thousands upon thousands were touched by just these few people. 

He took his hand off and asked me “Do you understand what I am showing you.” 

I said, “I am not sure, I can see a few people touched millions.”  

He said, “You see so miniature, like you’re a tiny little ameba.” 

Jesus said, “Ronny, you touched in some way or another, everybody’s lives in this stadium.”  

I just sat there not believing anybody could touch this many people. 

Jesus said, “I know your amazed and do not believe this can happen, but how did twelve people change the complete world.  No different than you and the people around you all your life.  I will tell you when Pat takes this walk it will have to be at center court.  You’re not even in the BIG STADIUM.” 

I smiled and said, “Now I can believe that.”
       

He looked at me and I at him and he said, “You ready to walk again.” 

I said “Yes.” 

Jesus said, “Now is the time to tell you when we get to the vale you have to enter alone, I cannot hold your hand.  You will go through the vale by yourself.  Nobody can help you go through the vale when my Father says its time.  The trip may be very, very hard to get to the vale.  From this point on it’s important to know I am always with you.  Please, do not forget I will never let your hand go, EVER!” 

I looked at him and the vale was no more than 5 steps away.  I turned to Jesus and said, “You will walk me off this grass?”  Jesus said, “I told you I would.”  We started walking hand in hand.  This walk had nothing which was in my mind.  I thought of nothing.  The end of the grass came and before I stepped off Jesus said, “I love you and will love you forever.” 

I stepped off the grass and Jesus was gone.  The crowd was gone.  I was alone, so alone.  I was like in utter and complete darkness in my soul.  Then from the sides two figures were walking toward me.  They were a site to behold.  Both were completely white.  So white you could not see any features about them except I felt they were good.  I felt goodness and love.  One stood on one side of me and the other on the right side.  I was not feeling I was dying.  I thought if I was going to through the vale, it’s at death and death was hard.   

I asked, “Why is this so easy for me.” 

One of the figures said, “You have skipped the hard part.” 

I said “Thank you Lord for blessing me with this gift.” 

The figure said, “Sorry, you have not skipped anything.”  Both figures wrapped their wings around me and I was in complete light.  I thought wow, I am going to heaven. 

The next moment, I was in my bed.  Fully dressed and I sit up.  I was so upset I woke up.  I was going to heaven and now I am back here in this crap of the physical world.  I sat on the bed with my hands on my cheeks, bent over and just thought I really thought I was walking with Jesus.  It was just a dream, just another dream about heaven.  I lay back down and was so dejected.  I just laid there and thought about all that went on.  All of a sudden I could remember everything that went on.  I did not dress this way to go to bed.  My hat is on my head.  I still have my tennis shoes on with socks.  I got up and ran into the closet; there were my flip/flops.  I ran to the front door.  It was wide open.  I ran outside and my home was the same, with Mimi two doors down.  Pat was still asleep.  The alarm, I turned it off at 4pm. I ran back into the room and the alarm time was 7pm.  Could this be real?  I am not saying yes or no I am saying ………..I ran to the computer and started writing.

The first writings on this blog were about my family, and how we grew up.  It told of our lack of conveniences which today would be considered very ordinary, in our lives.  How our family lived, worked and believed in dreams and made them reality.  If you have not read them they are very convincing of how dreams can become reality.  If you want reality enough to sacrifice all you have, you can achieve your dreams.  Dreams verses reality are so intertwined its astounding.

This writing is harder for me to write because I am supposed to talk about myself.  When you start with nothing, and have nothing, and the entire world is given to you, humble is the word my parents would want me to use.  I was taught by my parents never to brag on myself.  If you’re good, others will know, and you don’t have to tell anyone.  I have never really told anyone all I received for playing baseball.   Starting at 12 years old I was chosen for every All-Star team from every league I played.  I played baseball in 11 different states with the best players in the world, in the 1960’s and early 1970’s.  I was one of the best of the best.  At that age everybody thinks they are the best.  Perception is not reality.  I have not told anyone any of these stories.  My wife did not know until she read the sports clippings few years after we were married.  She watched me play but never knew the awards I received.  We just jumped in the car and went on a date, then went home.

In college, I became very, very good.  I was All-Conference, All-District, and All-Region every year.  One year I was an All-American in baseball.  I had my first real coach who made me work at being a complete player.  Again, nobody knows and most of all it really makes no difference in my life as I sit here today.  Except, there is one little question for this Blog, and that is what is the UNKNOWN?    

 I went 3 years to college at Oklahoma Baptist University on full scholarship.  I was not a good student because I only wanted to be was a baseball player.  After the summer of my sophomore year the coach called me over to his house.  He told me he had to tell me something which was important. 

When I went to talk to him he told me, “I was going to get an offer one day to play professional baseball but, I needed to make a choice; baseball or Pat.”

I could not believe he would say what he said.  

He told me, “What you choose in life is what you want the most.” 

In his words he said, “The one you choose you have to love the most, the other you will lose anyway.” 

What he was telling me is if I signed to play baseball, I would lose Pat.  If I chose Pat I would lose baseball. 

He said, “You can only have one absolute true love in your life.  The others things you love, you will lose, or you will have to share the love.   It will not be absolutely loved.”

He was a wise man who played with the L.A. Dodgers for nine years.    

He then said, “With baseball you cannot share the love of the game with anything to be in the major leagues.  You have a chance to be in the Major Leagues but not also be married; you will lose your wife.” 

I chose to quit school after my junior year and get married.  It was a choice I made because I thought I was not going to get a chance to sign a contract for any professional baseball team.  Many teams talked about signing me but no team ever offered a contract.  I figured it was not going to happen.  My dreams were not going to become reality.  I loved Pat and wanted to never lose her, so we married.

The coach knew me very well because we were close in helping players get scholarships to OBU.  Five players I played with over the past few years attended OBU to play baseball on scholarships.  When I left, he was very upset and hurt.

It upset my heart when he told me, “I was like his son, and these players came because I was here.” 

I hurt him and I have asked Jesus Christ forgiveness for hurting this good man.  I didn’t believe him until three of players told me later, the only reason they came to OBU was because I was there. 

Of course, knowing everything at that time in my life (smile) I did not completely believe him.  Pat and I married and I was happy even if I had never signed a contract to play baseball.  I was going to be a teacher soon and all would be fine.  I then decided to play one more year of baseball at Central State University.  I was going to school and studying for my education degree to be a teacher.  Why not have them pay for my schooling. 

I played at Central State and again was chosen all-conference, all-district, and all-region.  While I was going to school, Pat signed a contract for Oklahoma City School System for $6,400.00 dollars a year, as a teacher.  I had already been working for a computer company part time and was making $8,000.00 a year.  I quit school, the last semester, because of the pay of school teachers.  To receive my degree all I needed to do was finish my student teaching.  I do not believe I would not have been a very good teacher.  I expect perfection and the kids today I would have abused.  I have never taught anyone who I did not expect 100% of their effort or don’t waste my time.  I am talking about achievements for life, not just having fun.  I have become more patient as I have aged.  Pat was a born teacher.  Everything you expect from a teacher she was and is.   

At the end of the school year the Cleveland Indians called, and offered me a contract to play baseball.  The contract was for a small period of time and I would have to play winter baseball.  I was surprised and I had a feeling deep inside me that I cannot explain about signing this contract.  Pat was supportive and happy for me.  I just thought about what the coach said to me about true love of anything in life.  My only dream was to sign a contract with a professional team.  I told them no.  I didn’t love baseball more than Pat.  I had found a greater love and for the first time I had a chance to meet the UNKNOWN.  It was shown to me, and the UNKNOWN was in front of me for that choice.  You have to choose sometimes what you love the most.  I chose my wife, Pat.  The UNKNOWN was in the absolutely right place at the right time.  The UNKNOWN placed itself in front of me for the perfect life I was supposed to have.  That’s when I learned about the UNKNOWN, which is everywhere.

I never told my family I had a chance to sign a contract with Cleveland Indians.  It’s just like my daughter who has won 32 professional tennis tournaments; Pat and I are the only ones who know what she had done except my youngest brother.  The last time my daughter played on television they said she had won 32 tournaments.  My brother called me and was going crazy on the phone.  He did not know that she had won but one tournament.  He asked me why I never said anything over the years.  I told him, she just goes to work like you and I.  Some days are good, others we just make it through the day.  Pat and I made a choice that if she played it was her life and, what she wants others to know she will tell them.  Oh, I have wanted to yell from the highest mountain what she has done in her life.  But, are you only good if you win?   I have never thought that way.  Many in every field of work, from a person who answers a phone, to the Doctor who saves a life, may be the best in the world.  We just don’t know who the best is.  I know for a fact, that because someone is ranked number 1 in the world they may or may not be the best in the whole world.  

I believe that God has blessed us just as much as he has given to us, no more or no less.  Sometimes it is hard to understand that statement.  Most just don’t stop long enough to see all they have.  Also, some did not dream and work to make that dream a reality. 

Michael Jordon, Tiger Woods, or Roger Federer are among the best ever to play their sport according to the people who gage greatness.  Were there not others in the world of 8 billion people who were better but, never dreamed or worked to make their dreams reality?  We don’t know.  This is the UNKNOWN!  Why does God give the dream?  Why does God give the reality?  The UNKNOWN is God who gives everything to everybody on this earth.

You will ask why I think this thought.  I have one belief about God.  If God is really God, the bible says “God is only love”, then everything that happens, happens through God’s love.  Oh, many will go crazy reading this thought.  The UNKNOWN is the love of God nothing more or less.  My cancer is of the UNKNOWN and the healing is really, really, really UNKNOWN. 

To end this Blog I think you have to place in the order the four parts of a human.  My personal opinion is they should be Spiritual, Mental, Emotional, Physical, and UNKNOWN.  Without all, you are missing the completeness of life.  Life is such a special gift to enjoy.  I don’t always enjoy life like I should.  It’s easy for me to look at the glass half full.  When the glass is completely full no matter what you see.  We see the glass; the glass seems to be half full.  What we see and what is reality could be two different perceptions.  That is the UNKNOWN. 

Why do people believe they can’t reach the goals in their lives?   I have to think they look around themselves and see what they think is real, which is not what is real.  In their minds they want something different than what they see.  When it comes down to the final vision, you have to want to see what does not seem real.  That is a goal, in my mind.  A goal you believe and can’t see, but which is real, if you want it bad enough.

As I have said, I grew up with no running water or electricity.  I had a vision to play baseball for a professional team.  This was a goal, dream or vision I do not know.  I grew up in a place where there was no baseball.  My brother’s dreams were completely different than mine.  We never talked about where we would be in twenty years.  We lived each day and loved every day we lived. 

Now you have to know, yes we finally had running water and electricity.  Yes we went to school and grew up with our dreams.  I had three brothers and one sister.  We finally lived in a two bedroom six hundred square foot home.  My granddad retired and moved into a small town and I personally went to his house every spare day I could.  When he moved he had running water and electricity.  So I was in the world of Kings when I was at home or at my granddads.  I centered my life around two thoughts in my life.  First and most important was baseball and the second was going to my granddad’s and going fishing.

My brothers were different in their interests.  Remember we all grew up with nothing.  We were now growing up and getting a few luxuries, which I loved.  My dad worked two jobs.  His second job was rebuilding pianos.  All five kids had to work at his second job.  When he needed us to work, we worked hard and he was a perfectionist.  So, yes we grew up all being perfectionist.  No room for error, none.

I still had one dream.  Play professional baseball.  Every day it was possible I played baseball.  I hoped others would play but if not, I played ball by myself.  I worked on every aspect of baseball from the time I can remember to the age of 24 years old.  I never had any other thought except signing that contract to play baseball for some professional team.  That was my dream.  Coming from nothing, to play baseball is a dream.  That was a dream which many of thousands of kids dreamed of everyday.

Well, let’s look at my brothers and sister lives for a second.  They had some kind of dreams which I never knew, because I didn’t care about their dreams.  Really who cared what my brother was going to be as long as I reached my dream.  I think I was selfish, but I only thought about my dreams. 

When I look back and see the house which we grew up in with nothing except what was needed.  What we grew in the garden, hunted, and fished to eat, and some small items like flour and sugar from the store.  I can’t believe what I am getting ready to tell you. 

I believe the human is made up five parts which we can define.  Physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual and the last is what I call the UNKNOWN.  The four we can seem to have a little control are so important to make life worth living.  To explain the unknown is impossible for me.  I have tried for 40 years to figure out the unknown.  The following examples will show what the unknown is to me.  I do not have the answers, I just think about the unknown.

My oldest brother was married at 18 years old.  He had four kids and always lived in rural areas of Oklahoma.  He started working as a Natural Gas Contractor.  He worked hard, very, very hard every day.  You have to understand, when he laid gas lines, you had no machine to dig the dirt.  You would dig dirt to lay gas lines with a shovel and you’re body.  He would lay lines up to 75 yards long.  My brother and his partner would dig and lay these lines for all types of different reasons.  Gas lights, swimming pools, fire places, or just out door grills.  My brother made well over a million dollars doing this work and founding his own business.  Impossible most would say.  When in my mind, I see us running down the hill into the canyon at 6 years old.  How did he get from nothing to being able to be where he is today? 

My next brother was still different from all of us in the family.  He loved to invent and build.  He was so cool to have as a brother because I always won the Science Fairs at school.  Every year I would come home and ask him what he thought?  The next day he would say we going to build this or that.  I would stand by him as he built electric motors to power windmills, out of just copper wire and some solar panels.  I would take it to school not knowing how it worked and there was the blue ribbon on the project for three years in a row.  I was amazed at his knowledge but always treated him as a nerd.  He finished college and was an engineer for Boeing Aeronautics 32 years before he died.  Now, tell me you can’t do anything you want!  Yes, we ran over that same hill down into the canyon:  We had nothing, remember.  Here was a man who reached his dreams.  From a home where his real father left him the day he was born.  My older two brothers were my so called half-brothers.  There was NOTHING half about either.  They were my brothers more than any man could ever have brothers.  When your father walks out of your life the day you are born, and where my brother finished his life, is one of the greatest achievements known to me, by any man.

My sister is younger than I.  She was always the princess of the family.  This makes me laugh as I am writing this about her.  She was born just in time to have running water and electricity.  She still had to help in the garden, fish, and work while she grew up in our home.  By the time she reached high school she was learning how to achieve life’s goals.  She worked hard in school and everybody I ever talked to said she was the nicest person, always with a smile and something good to say.  This one for me is the hardest to believe when I talk about my family.  She is an executive with CBS.  Yes the real television station CBS.  She worked for FOX and, CBS came to her wanting her to work for them in Dallas.  For my sister to achieve what she has, no one can tell me, they reach any dream if wanted.  If someone tells me I can’t reach my dreams, I would tell them, you don’t want it bad enough to make it where you want to be in your life.

Now, my little brother, he came along when nobody cared.  I am laughing as I write this.  My oldest brothers help him work his way through college.  I was working on my baseball career.  My sister was too busy making life for herself.  My younger brother was going to have to make it on his own.  He had to fight and scratch for every penny he could get to go through college.  He and his wife to be were going to be teachers.  Now I am really laughing.  His wife, yes a perfect teacher, my brother, no way.  He grew up in a strict, perfectionist environment.  We never as kids did anything except at 100% and when you finished it was perfect, or you did it over.  In college he majored in music.  He was and is a very talented musician. 

Over a few years he felt a calling to go into the ministry.  Ok, duh, you have to go back to school.  My youngest brother finished his degree in ministry and went on to receive a Master’s Degree in Religion and finally a PHD in Theology.  Wow, now tell me, I can’t.  Go ahead and tell me it’s not possible. 

My parents never had a penny except to feed, clothe, and put a roof over our heads.  Yet, all five of their kids reach magnificent goals in life.  My granddad and grandma had just enough to live a nice life.  Yet between all four of these glorious people, five kids took life to its fullest.  Remember the physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual.  Every one of us had all four of these to the fullest.  We had all four parts of the human, and this was given by God at birth.   Every human on this earth has all four of these parts!  Oh, we have one more child to talk about.  What about the baseball player and reaching his goal.  Let’s see what happened in the next blog. 

You have to understand, the UNKNOWN has not been talked about in this blog.  I will also tell you what I understand about the UNKNOWN.  It is a mystery to not only me, but I think to the world.  Till next time enjoy every moment trying to reach your dreams.